Tuesday, September 20, 2016

RIP: Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie

It's been two months since I last posted on the BLOW OFF. Admittedly, life has been busy and the blog had to take a back burner to other writing endeavors. But how can I not blog on the day that...


You can't have a blog about relationships ending and not post about the most high profile divorce of our time. This is a next level break-up. Personally, I'm still reeling from the initial shock. I called my husband this morning on my way to work to see if he'd heard the news and even a guy who doesn't care about celebrity gossip at all said, "get out of town!"

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

how one d-bag taught me what i want out of a relationship

A couple of years ago, I was sitting on my therapists couch. I'm not ashamed to admit I've had and loved therapy. Hey, I live in LA and if you don't have a therapist, Botox and know the best place to get a kale/quinoa salad, you're probably not my friend. Kidding.

We were talking about my D-bag, who if you would like to know about, simply read pretty much any of my posts. The Blow Off has sort of been like therapy as well. She told me that he seemed slightly sociopathic with a smaller degree of empathy than the average human. She was convinced that he also still had a lot of growing up to do and didn't see him being truly intimate with anyone for a long time. She claimed that even if he did get married, he would never be capable of the kind of love and closeness that I desire. I certainly liked/agreed with all of this. First of all, it made me feel so much about myself. Secondly, I figured she's a certified expert so she must be correct.

Monday, July 18, 2016

RIP: Diane Kruger and Joshua Jackson

Normally, celebrities announce their break-ups on a Friday, but not on a day where all anyone is talking about is Taylor Swift and Kim Kardashian's snap chat.

I'm sad to see these two part ways, but there were rumors for awhile that Kruger had cheated on Pacey Witter with Norman Reedus. But they were together for ten years, which is basically a hundred in celebrity years.

Is it bad that I still would be happy to see him with Katie Holmes? Suri needs a father! Jamie Foxx is too private!

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

the bachelorette: episode 7 highlights

Let me preface this recap by saying: it's going to SUCK. Because I no longer have the bandwidth to pay attention to this show. It's boring as fuck. I can't even love Jojo anymore, and not just because she denies her Middle-Eastern roots, but also because she talks like she just had her wisdom teeth pulled out. I feel like I'm just watching someone wear pretty outfits and go through the motions of being the Bachelorette until she can get a hosting gig on Extra. At the end of the day, I just don't think it's fun to watch one human being get that much male attention. It's like that season of Grey's Anatomy when all the men on the show were in love with Meredith even though she was super bland and Christina was the interesting one.

Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest, here are some of the highlights from last night's show (AKA the parts I paid attention to).

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

the bachelorette: episode 6 highlights

This isn't hyperbole. I honestly believe this was the most boring episode in Bachelorette history. This season is nothing without Chad Steroids. The biggest conflict in this episode was two contestants arguing over poker rules. You guys all know that I've had a massive crush on Jojo since she showed up on Ben's season with a unicorn mask over her head, but I'm close to done with her. She's--- dare I say-- a snooze fest? And even though she's stunning, I can see all the work she puts into looking that good. The fake hair, the fake lashes, the potentially fake boobs.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

the bachelorette: episode 5 highlights

If this episode had a title it would be "My Two Chads" Or "It's a Chad, Chad World" or "Chads are apparently fucking assholes."

Here were the highlights:

Chad #1's funeral
After the guys find out that Mad Chad has gotten the boot on the two on one date, they commemorate the occasion by throwing him a funeral. I wish someone could do an anthropological study that observes douchebags who make fun of other douchebags in their natural douchebag habitat. They sprinkle Chad's protein powder (AKA his murdered mother's ashes) into the Pennsylvania greenery and yell "Death to Tyrants" into the wind. Yup. I wonder how all those impoverished citizens of North Korea would feel if they learned that a tyrant in America is just someone who consumes way too much protein, keeps to himself while lifting weights, and makes benign threats of violence.