Wednesday, February 15, 2017

the bachelor & the BLOW OFF: episode 7

If you are new to this blog, it might look like all we do is recap the Bachelor, but that wasn't always the case. There was a time I used to write about relationships. But then I went and had a baby and now I don't even have time to write a proper post about how we should all be embarrassed to celebrate Valentine's Day.
shameless plug for my baby boy.
Ahem: Valentine's Day is stupid. Babies are so cute, but hard to take care of. I still love my dog as much as I did before I had a baby.

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

the bachelor & the BLOW OFF: episode 6

I have no time for a proper 10,000 word recap today, so I'm going to try to stick to the highlights. I am gonna pull a Chris Harrison and say that this is the most unpredictable season of The Bachelor ever. Seriously, there was some shit that happened in this episode that I did NOT see coming.

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

the bachelor & the BLOW OFF: episode 5

We pick up where we left off last week with Taylor explaining emotional intelligence to Fraggle Face. Corinne hates Taylor for being mean to her. Taylor hates Corinne for setting women back a hundred years. Both women are hopeful that the other won't get the rose from Nick.

In a move that surprises no one, Corinne and Taylor each get a rose. Did anyone else notice a continuity error during the rose ceremony? When Nick gives Corinne the rose, there's still 3-4 more roses left. But then, Chris Harrison walks in and says "Ladies, this is the final rose of the evening" and suddenly there's only one rose left. The editors are fucking with us!

Thursday, January 26, 2017

RIP Scarlett Johansson & that French Guy

It's been reported that Scarlett Johansson and that French guy she married two years ago have officially separated. This is sad news, because not only do they have a daughter together, but they also have a popcorn store in Paris. Yes. A popcorn store. Think about that for a second. They're rich. They're not opening a popcorn store to make money, they're opening one because they are passionate about it.

Please tell me that when they decided to separate, they looked at each other and said: We will always have popcorn.

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

the bachelor & the BLOW OFF: Episode 4

Welcome to the fourth installment of The Bachelorette auditions! The episode picks up where it left off last week with Vanessa putting Nick on blast for humping Corinne in a bouncy house. She basically says if Nicholas (she's the type that would totally call him Nicholas if they end up together) just wants to fuck around, then she wishes that he didn't give her a rose. Nick reassures her by telling her to keep her eye on the prize. Let's get real for a second. If Vanessa was slightly less attractive and didn't have such a great rack, Nick would have given her the boot after this conversation. This is what I'd like to call #GorgeousWomenPrivilege. When you look like Vanessa, you are allowed to nag and scold and lecture without any repercussions.

Thursday, January 19, 2017

my hardest break up ever

I've been crying a lot since election day. Every last something with Obama has made me cry. The Presidential Medal of Freedom ceremonies where every honoree looked deeply distraught that he would soon be replaced by he who shall not be named. His last press conference. Michelle Obama's farewell speech. Obama's own farewell remarks in Chicago that made me cry even before he uttered a single word. If that wasn't enough... I sobbed when he surprised Joe Biden with the Medal of Freedom. All I could think was: PLEASE DON'T LEAVE US.

And that's when it hit me. The nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach, all the comfort eating, the tears, the sleepless nights, the anger at other people's happiness-- saying goodbye to the Obamas is the hardest break up of my life.