Wednesday, June 21, 2017

bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode four

Rumor has it that when we die, God greets us at the pearly gates and immediately provides answers to the following questions:

#1 What happened in that elevator between Solange and Jay-Z?
#2 Why did Kalinda and Alicia from The Good Wife hate each other in real life?
#3 Is there really a Donald Trump pee tape? 
#4 What exactly took place in Paradise between Corinne and DeMario?

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode three

The episode picks up where we left off last week-- with DeMario returning to the Bachelor mansion to have voice the error of his ways with our Queen Rachel. Luckily, Rachel's army of protectors linger in the background and do not cock block my need for more drama.

DeMario apologizes to her for not being 100 and for doing the whole "Who Dis?" bit when he was confronted by a woman he was having sex with for six months. I liked DeMario's no excuses apology, but here's where he went wrong: he asked Rachel to give him a second chance and let him back on the show. The guy reeks of desperation. He wants to be the first black bachelor SO bad. He's smart enough to know that Rachel would lose all legitimacy if she allowed him back. If DeMario really wanted to redeem himself, he should have apologized, wished Rachel the best, and walked away. Instead, he got shut down twice on national television. Rachel told him that he's a boy and she needs a man. BURN.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode 2

I have a major bone to pick with Chris Harrison. Where was he at the beginning of the show to warn me that we were going to witness one of the most dramatic group dates in Bachelorette history? I was blindsided. I'm still trying to recover. I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning.

Friday, May 26, 2017

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode one

The recaps this season will be a challenge to write, because... I love Rachel Lindsay. Usually, I derive all my joy in life from making fun of the bachelor/bachelorette, and I'm not sure that's possible this time around. Rachel's personable, smart, gorgeous, kind, well-dressed, and she has a sense of humor. Her only flaw is that she agreed to do this show, but we can't even fault her for that b/c she's the first black bachelorette. Thanks to her, we get to watch 25+ guys fawn over someone who doesn't look like this:

Thursday, March 23, 2017

He Has A Girlfriend & the BLOW OFF

We've all been there. We meet a cute, sweet guy and he seems too good to be true. This is because he is. Things seem a little shady, but he has an explanation for everything and it rolls off his tongue so effortlessly. OK, so maybe we haven't ALL been there. Maybe I've been there more than the average girl. For some reason I'm drawn to what I can't have and even more alarming, guys with girlfriends seem incredibly drawn to me.

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

the bachelor & the BLOW OFF: season finale

There's so much heavy analysis that needs to go into what we witnessed on the finale...

The episode starts with Nick's family arriving in Finland to meet his two girlfriends and potential wives. Raven's first at bat.

I'm going to pretend that Raven's freaky eye makeup is the work of an evil producer who convinced her that it's not only acceptable, but also breathtakingly beautiful, to use an entire tube of mascara on your lower lashes. The Viall family deserves a Nobel peace prize for being able to overlook Raven's crusty lashes and her long, stringy, Morticia Adams black hair. Sometimes I feel like Raven is actually a character from an urban legend who somehow found a way to infiltrate our world.