Wednesday, July 19, 2017

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode 8

In all honesty, ABC should have spent a total of five minutes on the first three hometown dates that were featured in this episode, and two hours on Dean's family. I'm talking a commercial free two hours. Fuck it. I'm talking limited series on FX produced by Ryan Murphy and starring Dean's family. I have so many mixed emotions about the very awkward meet and greet, but we'll get to it shortly. Here's all you need to know about the other hometown dates.

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode 7

I was traveling all this week, so here are just some stray observations on Monday night's episode...

#1 Who is Matt? No, really. Who is he? Why didn't he get more screen time? Rachel was SO emotional when she sent him home on the group date. She told him that of all the dudes in the house, he reminds her the most of herself. Whaaaa? I literally didn't even know what his name was until she broke up with him. I vaguely remember him showing up on the first episode dressed as a penguin, but that's about it. I predict he will appear on Bachelor in Paradise and will be the new Vinny. He'll meet a girl, fall in love, and then she will break up with him once someone hotter comes along. I'm a little annoyed that we didn't get better acquainted with Matt this season. If it wasn't for racist assholes taking up prime real estate, then perhaps we would have had an inkling of emotion once Male Rachel went home. I did like his pea coat and his decision to take his glass of champagne into the car with him on his way out.

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode 5

When ABC gives us FOUR HOURS of the Bachelorette in one week, I give you a truncated recap. No one has time for this shit. This is the era of peak TV and I'm four episodes behind on Silicon Valley. I was literally peeling and cutting fruit in my living room, so I could puree baby food for my child... while staying up to speed on Rachel's dating life. As a mother, I think it's pretty clear that I have my priorities in order.

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode four

Rumor has it that when we die, God greets us at the pearly gates and immediately provides answers to the following questions:

#1 What happened in that elevator between Solange and Jay-Z?
#2 Why did Kalinda and Alicia from The Good Wife hate each other in real life?
#3 Is there really a Donald Trump pee tape? 
#4 What exactly took place in Paradise between Corinne and DeMario?

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode three

The episode picks up where we left off last week-- with DeMario returning to the Bachelor mansion to have voice the error of his ways with our Queen Rachel. Luckily, Rachel's army of protectors linger in the background and do not cock block my need for more drama.

DeMario apologizes to her for not being 100 and for doing the whole "Who Dis?" bit when he was confronted by a woman he was having sex with for six months. I liked DeMario's no excuses apology, but here's where he went wrong: he asked Rachel to give him a second chance and let him back on the show. The guy reeks of desperation. He wants to be the first black bachelor SO bad. He's smart enough to know that Rachel would lose all legitimacy if she allowed him back. If DeMario really wanted to redeem himself, he should have apologized, wished Rachel the best, and walked away. Instead, he got shut down twice on national television. Rachel told him that he's a boy and she needs a man. BURN.

Thursday, June 1, 2017

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode 2

I have a major bone to pick with Chris Harrison. Where was he at the beginning of the show to warn me that we were going to witness one of the most dramatic group dates in Bachelorette history? I was blindsided. I'm still trying to recover. I have so many mixed emotions about the whole thing, but I'm getting ahead of myself. Let's start at the beginning.