all the guys I've dated are ugly.

Ladies and gents, I have a new trick for you that will help you get over all of the people you've dated.  Any time you find yourself tempted to reminisce about an ex, picture them as someone much less attractive.  Someone ugly.  Someone borderline deformed. 

Here's what all the guys I've dated now look like to me.  You've heard about them already, but now it's time to put a face to the "name":

BLOW OFF Song of the day: Step by Vampire Weekend

Wisdom's a gift, but you'd trade it for youth
Age is an honor, it's still not the truth
We saw the stars when they hid from the world
You cursed the sun when it stepped to your girl
Maybe she's gone and I can't resurrect her
The truth is she doesn't need me to protect her
We know the true death, the true way of all flesh
Everyone's dying, but girl you're not old yet.
-Vampire Weekend, 2013

Four Things Friday

oatmeal cookies, Vampire Weekend, The Night Circus, The Goodwin Games

Welcome to another installment of Four Things Friday!  I've been thick in the middle of staffing season the last couple of weeks.  For those of you that don't know, that's the time of year when new TV shows that have been picked up by the networks start hiring their writers.  My favorite part of the whole thing is getting to meet with various writers, producers, and executives, but the most stressful part is wondering if you'll be offered a job at any point.  It can be very anxiety inducing...sort of like dating someone and wondering if they'll ever make you their girlfriend.  So, this week, here are four things that have helped get my mind off of the whole agonizing process.  I hope you all have a wonderful and relaxing weekend, filled with zero BLOW OFFS.

the new york city BLOW OFF

2005: me & my bestie Alison right before we started our cross country drive from NY to LA

I moved from Manhattan to Los Angeles nearly eight years ago.  When I left, it felt like a break up.  But one of those break ups when you're really not ready to leave the other person, but you don't have much choice.  I'd been promoted at my job-- which was great-- but it also meant having to move to LA.  I'd only been living in New York for three years and I hadn't quite gotten it out of my system yet, but it was a great career opportunity and it meant being much closer to my family in the Bay Area.  So, I said yes.

Before I left New York, I took photographs of all the places that meant something to me.  I ordered sepia-toned prints of each picture, stuck them in cheap $2 frames and posted them all around my bedroom in LA.  I literally surrounded myself with pictures of New York.  If you think about it...this is like covering your walls with pictures of the greatest moments between you and your ex-boyfriend.

Newlyweds: the first year

Guys, I've discovered that I have a hidden talent...for getting hooked on bad reality TV shows.  Wait, what?  That's not a talent.  I beg to differ.  First, it requires sitting on the couch and turning on the remote control-- of which we have like five-- so just figuring out how to turn the television on takes some serious skill.  Then I have to make the decision to not go straight to my DVR recordings and seek out something new.  Do you know what that takes?  Guts.  Fearlessness.  Hope.  Then I have to keep my fingers crossed that Bravo is not airing a marathon of LA Shrinks, because even I have to draw the line somewhere.

Well, that line has been drawn-- and right behind it is the new Bravo reality show, Newlyweds: The First Year.  Not to be mistaken with Newlyweds starring Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (who both now have a kid with someone else.)

Anyway, the show follows the lives of four very different couples during their first year of marriage.  Here's what you need to know about all of them.

the don't shit where you eat BLOW OFF

The office romance.  It's convenient, it makes sense, it can't always be avoided...but holy shit, it's messy.  The work place is probably the most common way to meet someone once you're no longer in a school environment, but it's not always the best option.  I mean, not all of us can be as lucky as Pam and Jim on The Office.  In most cases, the work place hook up probably plays out more like Ryan and Kelly's Dunder Mifflin affair-- you know the type: where one person is super into it, while the other person just wants a company transfer to get as far away from their hook up as possible.