Friday, November 20, 2009

The BLOW (job) OFF

Okay, this post is not about blow jobs, that was just a shameless way to get peeps to read it. it's actually about blowing off your job.

How many of us have either sent or received one of those sappy good bye emails when someone is leaving the company for a new gig (or in some cases they've been fired and are just pretending they're leaving for a new gig)? I am here to tell you those emails are filled with lies, lies, and more lies. And the worst part about them? When other co-workers reply to all to wish said liar well.

you know those emails:
It's been so great working with all of you. I've had some of my best memories here. I hope we can stay in touch and I'm sure we'll work together again in the future, blah blah blah.

here's what they really want to say:

I'm FINALLY getting out of this place, mo-fos! All I've ever done is fantasize about the day I would never have to see any of you again on a daily basis. I think you're all kind of lame and that's why I started applying for a new job to begin with. Some of you, I like, but many of you I've wanted to repeatedly punch in the face. Please do not call me, do not email me, and do not take me out to good bye drinks. I can now finally delete you from my facebook without feeling guilty and will no longer be subjected to your non-witty references about my status updates as a way to make small talk. If anyone replies to all, i will hunt you down and kill you. One final note, you can all suck it!!!!

xoxo

Jane Doe

P.S. I was really fired!
P.P.S. How you like me now HR?

I will personally give $100 to anyone that proves to me they sent a nasty good bye note like the one above on their last day of work. And to all my co-workers who may read this, thank you for not making me feel compelled to blow off my job.

1 comment:

  1. I have to say that this might be my favorite blowoff post thus far.

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