Friday, October 1, 2010

Best of the BLOW OFf--- My Blow-Off Story: Special Supersize Gay Edition

We all have getting blown off in common. It's a shared human experience, like dreading homework, hating high taxes and thinking Falcon Crest is one of the greatest TV shows ever. But that doesn't make it any easier.

I've had my share of blow-offs, but only one really stings in my mind. It was this guy, let's call him Jerkface, who really melted my cold, black heart. I don't fall much, and certainly not easily, but this guy was it. Or at least I thought. He was handsome, vivacious, inquisitive. He had a lust for life that I admired. Even the qualities that annoyed me about him I loved him for. I thought that I had maybe found the real deal, the thing that all the movies are about. Lest you think I'm delusional, I wasn't living in a vacuum. His affection - physical, emotional, verbal - was tangible. One night, when he wasn't even drunk, he told me he could see himself marrying me one day. Even if it wasn't legal - here's a guy that would break the law for me!

So I'm sailing on cloud nine, thinking life is good, for these few weeks. A short time, admittedly, but the whole thing was so whirlwind. Then one night we had made plans. At the last minute I got a text from him saying his best friend's father was dying, and he needed to leave town to be with said friend. I was vaguely aware of the illness, so I didn't question it. Over the next few days, while he was ostensibly with said friend, I'd get texts about how I was "the only person in NY he missed." Then, he comes back. And I don't hear from him - no emails, phone calls, texts. My attempts to get in contact with him via all these means were unresponsive. I was worried. I logged onto his myspace account (remember when people used it?) and what gorgeous surprise awaited me? A status change from "single" to "in a relationship." And he wasn't talking about me - as evidenced by the photo album "Me and my boo" which featured Jerkface's smiling fatch along with some random guy AND time stamped photos from when he was supposedly at someone's deathbed! Furor told my concern to take a motherfucking hike.

I messaged him on myspace (if he was gonna sink to a new low, so was I) demanding an explanation. He wrote me back some bullshit about how he cared for me really deeply, but the connection wasn't emotional, and he had just met this other guy and it was true love and they were going to get married. Bla Bla Bla. Now let me reiterate - this is after weeks of him profusely expressing his affection AND getting busy. So I wasn't some psycho who had a guy smile at me and thought it was true love. I emailed him back and told him that while I can understand feelings can change, he at least owed me a phone call or in person meeting. It's how a friend - something he always claimed to be - would have handled it. Then I told him if I could give him a gift, it would be the gift of loneliness. And that Karma was a bitch. And I'm sure some other cliche phrases they utter on reality shows. But at least I had an excuse to say them!

Anyway, that's the story. The son of a bitch contacted me on facebook a few months ago (what's with him and social networking?) and wanted to be friends again, but instead I chose to blow him off. Karma's a bitch!


  1. "If I could give him a gift, it would be the gift of loneliness."

    Fucking Amazing.

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  3. i once gave someone the gift of gonorrhea...

  4. slim, why are you giving people gonorrhea? and to be annoying, why the special gay section on the blog? I kind of feel as though the implication is that gay blow offs are different than non-gay ones. (told you it'd be an annoying comment).


  5. Point taken "O"
    We'll remove the gay tag on the blog post, but i leave the blog title to our contributors and will leave it up to Lahoma if he'd like to make the adjustment. blow offs for sure don't discriminate!