Thursday, October 7, 2010

Best of the BLOW OFF: When you won't take "blow off " for an answer

So, this is the story of how i told a guy i loved him and peed my pants all in the same night. it's not one i'm proud of, but i can't stay silent forever. i def believe the most embarrassing blow offs happen when you just won't take the blow off for an answer (and then pee your pants).

Note: this is just one of many blow off stories involving the same guy. Let's call him "BLONDIE".

Blondie, who i was head over heels for, had recently moved out to the NYC from SF. My roommate worked for Tribeca Films and was kind enough to help him get a job working for the festival. When he first got to NY, everything was great, but then gradually he stopped calling as much, stopped staying the night, didn't offer to walk me home, and started inviting his friends to what i thought were dates. i knew he was blowing me off and i was pissed. CUT TO:

My friends and i go to one of the festival parties and i knew Blondie would be there. I was wearing my brand new diesel jeans i'd bought from Beacon's closet that were a size too small, but they were diesels and i had to have them even though i could barely squeeze into them. Anyway, we got to the party and sure enough Blondie was there looking too cool for school.

I ignored him just enough to straddle the line between "i hate you" and "playing it cool." i flirted with other guys, i danced with other guys, i smiled A LOT. but then of course, after a few drinks, he cornered me and asked me what was wrong (or maybe i cornered him?) Somehow over the course of the dreaded conversation, i said the words to him i was so proud of not saying for the last three years...."I Love You." He proceeded to tell me that there were different kinds of love...like the love a young boy has for its golden retriever (okay, i made that part up, but he may as well have said that.) The conversation ended with him storming out. so, i'm the one that didn't get an "I love you" back and he's the one that storms out? Awesome.

I left the party shortly after and during the cab ride home, i realized i had to pee immediately. i was praying all the way to the east village that i would make it home. i ran up three flights of stairs to my apartment, barely keeping it together. Finally, i made it to the bathroom....only to realize....my pants wouldn't come off!!! I laid on the floor and sucked in my stomach hoping they'd relent, but it was no use. I think i actually started crying at the prospect of going to sleep with an insanely full bladder. Finally, an idea hit me. I sat on the toilet and proceeded to pee my pants. I honestly think i may be the only person in the world that has peed their pants while sitting on a toilet. the good news is, the jeans came off right after. the bad news is, i told a boy i loved him and peed my pants all in the same night.

4 comments:

  1. lol!

    But just for some more details, this dickhead blew you off in that way after 3 years of you guys having been together? At first it sounded like you guys hadn't even really been dating that long.

    -O.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahaha, no we were just in each other's lives for about that long, but def not dating. dated a few months. that would make him a super dickhead!

    ReplyDelete
  3. this story goes down as one of my favorites. i love that you thought you had to go to sleep with a full bladder. i would have had the same thought. or i would have just peed my pants not thinking "hey i can do it over the toilet."

    ReplyDelete
  4. This MUST go into a movie. It is just amazing.

    ReplyDelete