Tuesday, December 1, 2009

the "0 to 60 to 0" BLOW OFF

From one of our readers:

I should have known better: red flag circus. First date, he exclaimed mid-conversation, "where have you been all my life!" Second date, he asked me to look at a new apartment with him, saying "WE can throw dinner parties here!" Third date (all pre-sex), he looked longingly at me with his big brown eyes: "can I follow you around like a puppy dog?"

Once relaying this information to a few guy friends, they replied unanimously -- "RUN...he must have been abused by his father as a child, no man says these things and is psychologically stable." But I was still trying to figure out if I even liked the guy. I did know that I liked the attention. So I idiotically continued with the fourth, fifth, sixth date, hoping against odds that he would prove to be my emotionally available knight.

The dates were fantastic, I had a blast. He pulled out impressive stops with concert tickets, fancy dinner reservations, secret bars and always calling when he said he would call (plus some). I continued to be open to the idea, but not too available. And then the inevitable happened: he suddenly stopped contacting me one weekend. No email responses, no text messages, no phone calls. Confused, I let it slide at first: a reasonable explanation must exist, he said he loved me last time we saw each other! A few days passed and then Facebook revealed the truth. 3 albums of a party surfaced on his page depicting him on the floor entangled with scantily-clad women and men in a drug-induced faux-orgy. (A few photos followed him dry-humping a girl; I then proceeded to learn everything about said girl the internet had to offer. I now know her home address, her college activities and the details of a lawsuit her mother faced in the 90s.)

Suffice it to say, this was a surprise to me. He had just shown me photos of his childhood treehouse, prepared a chicken dinner for me and asked me to go camping with him and his friends. Had I mis-read his intentions? No. I had just been blown-off.

Begrudgingly, I prepared myself for a "state of the union" conversation with this boy that to this day I still don't know if I even truly liked. Turns out he felt like he could not let go of his party-self, even though he "wanted to want" to be in a relationship. i.e Lame. We ended things on friendly terms and continue to run into each other at social events where we cordially propose meal/drinks without ever actually making plans. But he still comments on my Facebook page from time to time.


  1. Ohhhmannn. Who is this? We must get together for drinks and commiserate together. Guys like this should be exiled onto the HORRIBLE PEOPLE ISLAND. I seriously no longer have any tolerance for these types. They just make you feel so... cheated! They're on par with CON ARTISTS.

  2. Or they should be put on Douchebag Island. The worst part is that all the good stuff they do in the beginning makes us excuse them as one of the "good guys." Hope he has fun with his party days forever!