Thursday, December 3, 2009

the blind BLOW OFF

I've only gone on one blind date in my life and it was pretty awful. I had lived in LA for a couple of months and there was a nice Persian boy that my aunt wanted me to meet. That should have been my first red flag. Persian women are notorious matchmakers, but they pretty much suck at it. Just because a guy has a job and isn't married does not mean he's a candidate for a love connection. Plus, because the only Iranian guys I've ever really known are related to me, I've just never been sexually attracted to fellow Persians.

Anyway, we met at Firefly in Studio City which was at least a great restaurant choice. The guy was sweet and actually pretty cute, so I decided to give him a chance.

BUT strike 1 + strike 2 = BLOW OFF.

Strike 1: He didn't order a glass of wine, because he was observing Ramadan. Hmmm, this is actually two strikes in one. I can't date a guy I can't share a bottle of wine with and I can't date a guy that religious. I almost laughed out loud when he said he can't make out during Ramadan either. Maybe I'm securing my place in hell, but I only believe in God when it's convenient and I'm not a fan of organized religion. Luckily, my Muslim grandma can't read English and doesn't know about this blog.

Strike 2: This was the big one. He spent the bulk of the dinner conversation talking about how much money he makes. NO JOKE. Why do guys think this is attractive? You say "I make a shitload of money" but all I hear is "I have a tiny penis." I don't care that you're the VP of a cell phone company or that you drive a $90,000 car, jack ass.

Needless to say, we hugged good bye at the end of the night. I got into my mini cooper and he got into his mercedes. He didn't call me and I didn't call him. I called my mom after the date to give her the post-mortem. She didn't seem too phased about the money thing, but when I told her the Ramadan part, she flipped. What can I say, I'm a product of infidels.

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