Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Physical attraction & the BLOW OFF

I had this tendency in my dating life to get in a little too deep with guys I wasn't really that interested in--- sadly, just for the sake of being with someone instead of being alone (see the six month blow off).   This is a painful admission for me, considering that prior to being in my current relationship, I've always thought of myself as someone who was good at being single.


Looking back on these "relationships", the big key ingredient missing was physical attraction. My high school boyfriend who I stayed with through part of college: why the top hat, cane, and cape to senior prom? Guy freshman year in college who took me star gazing: you were just too short, slight, and skinny. Guy in New York: I'm sorry, but back hair I can braid is not okay.

Yes, I felt shallow writing the above sentences, but at the same time, why are we conditioned to feel guilty when we're not into someone due to a lack of physical chemistry?  I've heard so many of my friends (men and women) sound as ashamed as the guys on Dateline Predator when they confess that even though PERSON X is super nice and funny, they're just not attracted to them.   
I've also seen many friends stay in shitty relationships far too long, because their crappy partners are...HOT!!!!!    So, what's worse?   Cutting bait, because someone isn't cute or sticking around too long, because you and PERSON X would look so great in a set of photo strip pics?

And what happens when PERSON X is a little too hot?   I once had a girl come up to me at a party where I took a boyfriend to tell me that I "better keep that boy in the corner"  (i.e. he's so hot, someone will steal him.)  It dawned on me--- I was the girl people were looking at wondering--- how did  HE end up with her.  

And what about the "his personality makes him cuter" phenomenon?   The guy who left me with the worst broken heart started out as someone whose looks I questioned every minute.   

What happens when physical attraction changes or deteriorates over time?   How many people have you heard say RE: Tiger Woods, "I don't get it, his wife is so hot."  How many of those people said the same thing about John & Elizabeth Edwards?  My parents who are very happily married, had their biggest fight 20 years into their marriage when my dad (who I've heard tell my mom she's beautiful pretty much every time I see them together), made a remark to her about putting some make up on.   And because of that, it makes me secretly happy when my bf makes fun of me for putting on eyeliner before i go to the grocery store.  

Physical attraction is like the elephant in the dating room.   My advice would be one-two months max with someone you'd keep your eyes closed with in bed OR someone you'd stare at wide-eyed, but plug your ears with every time they talk.  Just keep in mind, if you don't look like Brad Pitt you're not gonna end up with someone that looks like Angelina Jolie.  Unless of course, you're rich---- but that's a whole different post all together.  

2 comments:

  1. hey. no need to bust on short skinny guys.

    hahaha, you dated a guy with back hair.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Elizabeth Edwards is not hot.

    ReplyDelete