The essential BLOW OFF mix: Track Two

I ain't fakin', I ain't fakin' this.

Congrats to the ting ting's for winning the coveted track two spot on our essential blow off mix!

The Ting Tings - Shut Up And Let Me Go

the six month BLOW OFF

It's an unwritten dating rule that if you're on the fence about someone, you've got to shit or get off the pot at the six month mark. Once you start getting closer to YEAR ONE of dating and further away from DAY ONE of dating, you can consider yourself in a "serious" relationship.

I once had a mutual blow off with a guy at the six month mark. Here were some signs that I needed to get off the pot so to speak.

*I was lonely when I started dating him. Two of my best friends were in serious relationships and I'd just learned the last guy I really liked was madly in love with someone else. Thus, my standards were a little low.
*He broke out his anti-depressants at brunch the morning after our first overnight date. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with taking meds, but it's not necessarily something you need to whip out right off the bat.
*He was 25 and lived with his parents. Not necessarily a deal breaker, but a lot harder to swallow if the person has NEVER lived away from home. To be fair, he did move into an apartment with friends three months in.
*I knew I would never introduce him to my parents and had a panic attack after I met his.
*He had an abnormal amount of earwax build up, yet he was totally OCD about germs.
*He'd never tried mussels. This might sound totally snobby, but I can't get with guys who aren't adventurous when it comes to food.
*I actually told him that I knew I would never fall in love with him.
*I couldn't get past his high water pants. I swear the guy wore clothes that fit him ten years ago, but at the time practically looked like capris and midriff baring tops.

I'm sure he had a long list of reasons I was wrong for him too. We mutually decided to end things and I was practically giddy after it was over. But, before long, loneliness set in and I actually missed the guy. I guess sometimes we're willing to overlook a lot in exchange for a little companionship. And even if the companion is all wrong, it can still be hard getting used to being alone again. I'm glad I was brave enough to fly solo though, otherwise, I'd be in a six year relationship with a guy who didn't use Q-tips.

Best of the BLOW OFF: The "I'm sorry, you're not Asian" blow off.

okay, okay--- i've been getting harassed to post one of my own blow off stories. Believe me, there are many. This one had the least emotional scarring and i'm still facebook friends with the guy, so i figured it was the safest one to post.

Here's the long and short of it. Met the guy at the infamous 7B bar in the east village. He struck up a conversation like most guys i've met in bars, do--- "i like your nose ring." i was going through a break up (story coming soon), so i t was game on.

i usually judge a guy by how well they get my sarcasm and sassy wit (throw me a bone, this is a story of how i got rejected, i need to build myself up too). this guy had almost as witty responses to my amazingly awesome one-liners. i mean, awesome folks.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: I'm not gonna be ignored.

We can't think of a blow off that went as badly as the one between Michael Douglas and Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. After watching this clip, make sure the person you blow off doesn't have a thick psychiatric file somewhere.

Spoiler alert: this is act three climax of the movie! it's seriously fucked up and really violent, so if you don't like blood, watch at your own risk.

Trivia: In the movies original ending, Glenn Close commits suicide and makes it look like Michael Douglas killed her. Test audiences hated it and they re-shot the ending.

P.S. Gotta love how ineffective guys are at the end of thrillers. Is it just me or does the wife have to clean up the mess everytime? And you know Michael Douglas didn't get down on his hands and knees with the Comet to clean that bathroom.

P.P.S. This movie gives bathtubs a bad rap.

unattractive desperation & the BLOW OFF

From one of our readers:

"I woke up one morning to a text message on my phone: Do you want to spend any more time with me?

When i'm on the fence, this is just the comment that makes it all crystal clear. It could have meant a few things, delivered in a number of tones, but all i read was unattractive desperation.

It's so over. But how exactly can i say that? I did what any man does when faced with a challenging question: say as little as possible without actually lying. I waited it out. Silence speaks louder than words.

After four hours I finally wrote back, Let's talk tonight, respectably not wanting to broach the poetic subject like a twelve year old girl. I get an immediate response, Waiting till tonight sounds painful, if you don't want to see me again, just say so. Ok, then: I appreciate the time we had together but...

What can i say, she made me do it."

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: there's never enough time.

Those of us at the blow off can't help but wonder what Jack and Ennis's lives would have been like if they met in a different time and place...

Maybe Jack was living in a fantasy world or Ennis needed to just man up. Either way, when it comes to this particular blow off, we think SOCIETY deserves the blame.

xoxo Heath Ledger :(

The Nice & Respectful BLOW OFF

From one of our readers:

not a blow-off, per se, but i got the "how do you feel about sharing me" talk last night from my latest vixen.

My response was, I hope she meant sharing her with you and another woman. Nope. This was just her nice and respectful way of saying "I'm seeing other people, buddy."

I don't know, if a guy said this to me I would kick him out of my house. Our reader had her spend the night.

the BABOON HEART blow off

This is our second tip on how to add a little dash of creativity to your next blow off. Next time you're gearing up to break up with that not so special someone and don't want to give the whole "it's not you, it's me" speech, tell them you have a Baboon heart!

Step one: apply a fake scar everytime you embark on a new relationship with potential for a blow off.

Step two: once you decide you want to blow the person off, confess you have a baboon heart.

Step three: tell them the doctors found you a regular human heart and that it's time to get a transplant. Then, with a great level of intensity, tell them you're afraid if they take away your heart, you won't love them the same. (See Christian Slater's demonstration below. Cross your fingers your blow off target isn't as smart as Marisa Tomei).

Step four: Apply fake post-surgery stitches.

Step five: break the news that your fears came true. With your fresh off the shelf human heart, you just don't feel the same way about them. i.e. "it's not you, it's my baboon heart."

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: this is the last time you'll ever see me.

In honor of New Moon having the biggest opening of any movie ever, we'd like to give them the pop culture blow off of the day award.

Remember readers, if a vampire is gonna blow you off and leave you in the woods, there's no better way to cheer yourself up than hanging out with a werewolf with a serious six pack.  This girl is team jacob all the way.  Kristen Stewart though?  Ugh, don't even get me started.  Bella needs to stop being so co-dependent and Kristen Stewart needs to stop being too cool for school.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: I still have your letter!

Everytime I catch an episode of Friends on syndication, I find myself laughing out loud despite my best efforts not to. Here's Ross and Rachel's infamous "we were on a break" blow off. If only Larry David created this show so we could get a Friends reunion on the next season of Curb.

The BLOW (job) OFF

Okay, this post is not about blow jobs, that was just a shameless way to get peeps to read it. it's actually about blowing off your job.

How many of us have either sent or received one of those sappy good bye emails when someone is leaving the company for a new gig (or in some cases they've been fired and are just pretending they're leaving for a new gig)? I am here to tell you those emails are filled with lies, lies, and more lies. And the worst part about them? When other co-workers reply to all to wish said liar well.

you know those emails:

It's been so great working with all of you. I've had some of my best memories here. I hope we can stay in touch and I'm sure we'll work together again in the future, blah blah blah.

here's what they really want to say:

I'm FINALLY getting out of this place, mo-fos! All I've ever done is fantasize about the day I would never have to see any of you again on a daily basis. I think you're all kind of lame and that's why I started applying for a new job to begin with. Some of you, I like, but many of you I've wanted to repeatedly punch in the face. Please do not call me, do not email me, and do not take me out to good bye drinks. I can now finally delete you from my facebook without feeling guilty and will no longer be subjected to your non-witty references about my status updates as a way to make small talk. If anyone replies to all, i will hunt you down and kill you. One final note, you can all suck it!!!!

xoxo

Jane Doe

P.S. I was really fired!

P.P.S. How you like me now HR?

I will personally give $100 to anyone that proves to me they sent a nasty good bye note like the one above on their last day of work. And to all my co-workers who may read this, thank you for not making me feel compelled to blow off my job.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: i don't love you.

Remember when Matt Damon and Ben Affleck got obnoxiously famous after Good Will Hunting?  So do we.   Even though they were uber-annoying once they started dating Gwyneth and Winona, we can't help but love the movie that made them that way.

The blow off scene between Schuyler and Will is pretty heartbreaking, but do guys ever really blow someone off, because they're terrified of how much they love them or does that only happen in the movies?   If only Schuyler talked to Robin Williams before this scene.  Then she'd know the magic words to get through to Will were "It's not your fault."   P.S. stay tuned for THE BLOW OFF on Oprah post starring Matt and Minnie.

the "wait, you're blowing me off?" BLOW OFF

Another disappearing act story from one of our readers. Sometimes the most annoying blow offs come from the people you weren't really interested in anyway:

"I met this guy on Match.com a few months ago. He’s a cop in orange county (lives in Huntington Beach). Nice looking guy in his pictures. We exchanged emails for a while and then exchanged numbers and had some phone conversations. He only works 4 days/week and usually on the weekends, so we decided to meet for dinner on a Tuesday night in Santa Monica. I told him he could meet me in front of my building after I got home from work. I see him walking down the street and he’s clearly much bigger than the pictures I saw. To be fair, he told me that he had put on some weight because he had been out on disability due to a back injury. He told me he gained 15 pounds. This was clearly more than 15 pounds.

SAF: The Over 30 Rule

I was at a bar with a couple of single friends, one girl, one guy. Conversation inevitably turns to relationships and dating. (Do we not, as a generation, have anything better to talk about?? We are SO self-involved!)

Girl (30yo) says, "I have a theory. Basically, I am suspicious of guys who are over 30 and still single. There must be something wrong with them."

Guy (31yo) says, "Funny you should say that cause guys think the same thing about girls."

Irony being that my girlfriend totally thought that this "Over 30 Rule" applied only to guys, and not girls at all. She used to say to me, "It's different for girls..."

Apparently not.

I'm so fucked.

Correction: WE ARE ALL FUCKED.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: i can't be with you like this.

There are some questions that haunt us our entire lives: what is the meaning of life? is there a god? is there life on other planets?

Here's the question that haunts me when i go to sleep at night: Ben or Noel?

Based on my heart palpitations during Scott Speedman sightings in LA, I usually lean towards Team Ben. But mostly, i just love Felicity. Below is the scene where she decides to blow Ben off instead of pretending she's cool with keeping things casual. That takes super human strength.

P.S. I love how it always feels like they're whispering on this show!! P.P.S. just for fun there's a cheesy ben and felicity montage from youtube, enjoy!

the psycho friend BLOW OFF

One of our LA readers at the blow off sent us a series of emails from herself and an ex-friend that we just had to share with you.

Here's the set up--- the good friend, let's call her JANE was moving away from LA and our reader, let's call her BETTY was planning a good bye dinner for her. When Jane flaked on the good bye dinner, she emailed and suggested rescheduling. The next day, before Jane had a chance to respond, she got another email from Betty bitching her out for not responding yet. (Side note, Jane is a new mom to a six month old son and responding to emails isn't exactly her first priority these days.) Jane wrote back and explained to Betty that she'd been busy with her baby and that unfortunately, she couldn't make the new time/date Jane had suggested for their dinner.

What followed was this response from Jane:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Jane
Date: Fri, Aug 28, 2009 at 2:17 PM
Subject: So
To: Betty


Our friendship has run it's (pathetic, one-sided) course.

I wish you the best of luck in all your future endeavors.

I certainly don't "hate your guts," but have filed you under "fair weather friend," which/whom I no longer have room for in my life.

End of discussion; no need to reply-- you're henceforth blocked.

Ciao!

Sent from iPhone

WTF? Jane is a psycho-bitch! If you can't cut a new mom some slack, then you're the one being a shitty friend!

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: what did you think i would do at this moment...

How could anyone forget Alex and Ellen's slow dance in Family Ties to the song At this Moment? Hearts broke in homes all around America when Ellen walked out on Alex. Not only is it one of the best scenes from one of the best sitcoms ever,
but all of us at the blow off are inspired by Michael J. Fox's and Tracy Pollen's real life relationship.

the vampire BLOW OFF

think twice before dating a vampire, ladies. Thanks to the very funny Jake Fleisher for letting us post his third installment of Intercourse with a Vampire...

Intercourse With A Vampire, Episode 3

Atom.com: Funny Videos Sci-Fi & Horror Hilarity Intercourse With A Vampire

the junior prom BLOW OFF

( that's not me)

I was sixteen and in love with a stoner. A deadly combination from the get go. But J-dog, as my friends and I called him, had everything I wanted in a guy in 1997: the long hair, skateboard, and endless array of vintage t-shirts from bands like The Doors and Led Zeppelin. He wrote poems about grasshoppers. He had serious "save me" potential. He was my Edward Cullen.

We'd been friends for awhile, but I was too shy to tell him i actually liked him liked him. And then something horrible happened. Junior prom rolled around and every single one of my girlfriends had a date, but me. How would i be able to survive seeing their wallet sized group prom photo if I wasn't in it? I was so depressed.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: i came here to murder you.

Not only did Forgetting Sarah Marshall have one of the best marketing campaigns ever, but it also made us thank our lucky stars on two counts. #1 We were never naked, while we got dumped (oh, wait. There was that one time. Seriously, there was). #2 None of our exes are famous. (Well, that's not completely accurate. Ryan Reynolds and I had a thing post-Alanis and pre- ScarJo.) Anyway, side note: does anyone else think Kristen Bell and Mila Kunis would make the perfect Betty & Veronica?

Here's the trailer:

and here's some funny blow off stories from the cast:

Break-up Stories with the Cast of Forgetting Sarah Marshall from Jason Segel

REVENGE: of the blow off #3

Three words: Date Jake Gyllenhaal

Coldplay and post-BLOW OFF forgiveness

If you've just been blown off, do yourself a favor and do not listen to any Coldplay!!!

At least 75% of Coldplay's music is all about post blow off forgiveness. Case in point:

Trouble (from Parachutes): I never meant to cause you trouble/I never meant to do you wrong/And I, well if I ever caused you trouble/And oh no, I never meant to do you harm.

The Scientist (from Rush of Blood to the Head): Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry/You don't know how lovely you are/I had to find you/Tell you I need you
Tell you I've set you apart....

Swallowed in the Sea (from X & Y): You cut me down a tree/And brought it back to me/And that's what made me see/Where I was going wrong/You put me on a shelf/And kept me for yourself/I can only blame myself/You can only blame me...

Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love (from Viva La Vida): How I wish I’d spoken up/Or we’d be carried/In the reign of love.

There songs should come with an FDA warning: side effects include complete and total denial that a certain douche bag will channel his inner Chris Martin and try to get you back.

That said, we totally recommend making out to Coldplay. Holla!

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: i think what we've got on our hands is a dead shark

Annie Hall was originally supposed to be titled "Anhedonia"  a psychoanalytic term for the inability to experience pleasure from normally pleasurable life events.   That's kind of what it feels like to be in a relationship with a blow off on the horizon.

Woody Allen is a genius, but we can't forgive him for blowing off Mia Farrow for her daughter Soon-Yi  (a blow off deserving of its very own post).  We do give Woody props for making us feel like we're not the only neurotics when it comes to relationships.  and i for one like to think that Alvy and Annie totally got it on years after their fateful break up.   Here's the trailer:  

The Next Door BLOW OFF

The lovely slim shared her story to our readers on the "i still have to see you everyday blow off." Here's another one of a similar nature.

it happened in NY, the scene of so many of my blow offs. My roommate called me at work one day to tell me two hot guys were moving in next door. Niether of us could believe it. hot guy neighbors and hot guys on planes only happen in TV shows! Flash forward to six months later, we've had basically no contact with the hot guys, until one night way past midnight, when i decide to knock on their door.

maybe it was the drinks i had earlier in the night, or maybe it was my roommate and her brand new bf sneaking into her bedroom, while i sat on the couch and ate leftover cold noodles, or maybe it was the six month dry spell...whatever it was, something came over me.

BLOWOFFism: the second chance.

In some rare instances, a blow off is followed by the blow off-ee completely regretting their decision and begging for the blown off's forgiveness (you follow?) What's the blown off to do? Depending on the severity of the blow off, we say give the blow off-ee a second chance, but tread with caution and don't be surprised if they screw things up again. So, we say yes on second chances, but we also say yes to three strikes and you're out.

uh, okay, but was God ever blown off?

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: Lacuna to the Rescue

What if we could delete all of our horrific blowoff stories from our minds forever? I woke up this morning thinking about this-- would you?

Character-building is so overrated-- there are some experiences in life that should have never been explored. This is where Lacuna saves the day.



NO! I will most certainly NOT meet you in Montauk!

the blow off by proxy

I broke up with a guy in 4th grade after we'd been dating for exactly 48 hours. I decided to dump him, because he was mean to my friends during a game of kick ball. I didn't put up with any bull shit back then.

Anyway, this was in 1989 and we didn't have email, pagers, cell phones, or text messages, so I opted for the next best way to blow him off without having to do it in person or talk to his mom when i called his house. I told his friends to tell him for me. It was totally a blow off by proxy. Now, I wonder if everytime he blows off a girl, it's really just a subconsious way of exacting revenge on little 4th grade me.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: You came here for ME?

You hate your life. Your family forgets your birthday. You feel like a nobody in high school. Your panties get more recognition than you do. Life is blowing you off.......in pulls-up Jake Ryan in his little red (porsche).

Jake Ryan is the Superman for every 16 (to 35 year old) woman waiting to be rescued and noticed by the man they lust after.

More than Jake Ryan we love Thompson Twins 'If You Were Here' - totally makes for the perfect soundtrack to the last scene of this cult classic.


Sixteen Candles - Final Scene - Movie Ending - More free videos are here

the fortune cookie BLOW OFF

All of us at the blow off agree if you're gonna dump someone... get creative, mo-fo! I mean, why should marriage proposals get all the glitz and glamour? So, if you want an exciting and surprising way to blow off your Sig Other, look no further. Here's the first in our long list of ideas.

The Fortune Cookie BLOW OFF.

How about: "I'm in love with someone else." or "pass the moo-shoo, I'm blowing you off." or "Confuscious says 'i don't want to date you anymore.'" At least this way you won't get blown off on an empty stomach....

The Essential Blow Off Mix: Track One

"Here's the thing, we started out friends. It was cool, but it was all pretend..."

Track one of the essential blow off mix goes to Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone.

Congrats Kelly!!

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: You make my dreams come true.

What makes a blow off so painful is that it usually comes after a period of total elation. Just ask Tom Hansen in 500 Days of Summer.

Watching Joseph Gordon Levitt bust a move to Hall & Oates was completely adorable, but also sad cause you knew his happy musical number would blow up in his face.

This movie's biggest flaw is that JGL is so darn endearing that Zooey comes off looking like a total beeotch for not loving him back. WTF was she thinking??? I mean, the guy can dance.  What more could a girl want?

The Great Blow Off Debate #2

So, in one of our BLOWOFFisms, we advised to not stay friends with someone after a blow off. Do you agree??

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: Fine. I don't like him.

Let's face it, there are going to be a lot of pop culture blow offs from SATC. This is already the second one. This scene poses the question: when do you stop being a supportive friend and start being an honest one?


Miranda finally admits she thinks Carrie shouldn't blow off her whole life just for Petrofsky and Paris. Proof that blow offs between friends can be much more painful than ones with loser douche bags.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: I fucked up.

Before you get all confrontational about a blow off, make sure it's really a blow off in the first place.

I LOVE this scene in Mystic Pizza...this is back when  movies didn't have to be so freaking high concept and Julia Roberts was still unique.  If only Annabeth Gish and Lili Taylor got as many big roles as her.  

BLOWOFFism: Nourish your soul.

From one of our wise married readers at the blow off: 

"I'm always single in my soul."

Female friend, 27, married  Los Angeles, CA

SAF: Introduction

Hi Everyone- I'm Kayoko. I'm almost 30. I am a professional eater and aspiring food writer.

I'm also single. VERY (S)ingle. (A)sian. (F)emale.

By VERY single, I mean I have not been in a serious relationship in nearly five years, nor do I really date. In fact, I hate dating. I know I need to do it in order to finally meet the right person-- "You've gotta kiss a lot of frogs..." as my friend says.

It can be thrilling, yes. But for me--an intensely independent person who gets comfortable immediately and is pretty brash by nature-- it's hard to concede, act demure, and constantly check (and double check) what to say, or how to behave. "Play the game." It's like walking on eggshells, it's so exhausting.

So I don't. Some guys can take it. Most of them can't.

The latter is the reason why I am here. I'll be one single girl perspective for THE BLOWOFF- cause yes, we've all been blown off, but I'm a writer here that is STILL getting The Blow Off. Sometimes, when appropriate, I am the one blowing off.

All in real time.

So the frogs must be kissed. Sometimes, we'll even sleep with them. If nothing else, it's for character building. And, of course, good writing material for your pure entertainment.

Thanks to Sara and Slim for starting this rad forum. Let's have fun! I'll take a JT and Andy Samberg sandwich, thanks.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: I don't want a boyfriend.

Forget Carrie Bradshaw, Punky Brewster was the original independent woman! (not to mention fashion icon).

When Conrad (played by Chad Allen) kisses her on the cheek, she punches him in the eye. Violence is not the answer when you're trying to blow someone off, but there's no harm in mustering a little Punky power in declaring your single-hood. You go with your bad self, Punky!

the belay and the blow off

From one of our reader's here at the blow off. Check out this email she got from a guy:

"Good luck finding a belay as good as me."

Priceless.

And yes readers, the lay in belay was bolded by the douche bag in question. (Note: the guy on the left isn't the douche bag. He's Fred Beckey an american mountaineer that's made more first ascents than any other North American climber. Fred can be our belay anytime!)

The Blow Off: KANYE style

Ok, so Kanye West was a douche for dissing Taylor Swift at the VMA's, but that whole thing was seriously blown out of proportion. I for one think there are more important things in the world going on, but the Kanye photo app on Facebook got me thinking...

How hot would it be if Kanye could step in during a blow off? There are a few times in the past where I would have liked Mr. West to cut off my soon to be ex and say: "I'm gonna let you finish your blow off, but Saaara is one of the best girls of all time."

LITERATURE: We're Unhooked, Bitches

The Unhooked Generation: the Truth About Why We're Still Single (barf) by Jillian Straus is a pretty eye opening book. Basically, those of us in our 20s and 30s are screwed when it comes to relationships. Technology gives us a shitload of choices (I've got 384 friends on facebook, if quizzed, i probably couldn't name more than 50 of them), and b/c of that, we avoid commitment from fear of settling. Next time you blow someone off-- chew on this--- maybe not giving them a fair shot will be why you end up "settling" with the next person.

Anyway, i've got serious mixed feelings about this book. It's a little outdated now with not enough insight on the prevalence of social networking sites. Straus makes some good points, but it seems like she's urging her readers (the female ones. I mean, has a single dude ever read this book?!?) to get in a time machine and go back to the 50s where things were much simpler. This can't be the answer. There's got to be a different solution, even if it's dating 384 people at the same time.

HISTORY: According to the blow off

Next time you are feeling sorry for yourself after a blow off, just think about Anne Boleyn. Girlfriend married Henry the VIII, he totally ditched her for Jane Seymour after Anne didn't give him the son he wanted (Although, she did give birth to freaking Queen Elizabeth).

As though that wasn't bad enough, Henry accused her of treason, adultery, and witch craft (total bullshit charges) so he could get with Jane. Anne Boleyn was beheaded. Henry, you're a dickhead! You don't even deserve a hyper-link.

Prim & Proper Blow Off

From one of our readers:

"Every time i read the name of your sister's blog, I laugh. a "blow off" is what my prim and proper mom calls a fart."

And her mom is the cutest English woman you'll ever meet (not Miss Manners pictured above).

BLOWOFFISM: Do not, we repeat, do not try and be friends.

The next time the person that blew you off says they still want to be friends, do yourself a favor and tell them to DIE. Or break into song and sing them this Cyndi Lauper song:

Bad Breath Blow Off

This guy wouldn't kiss me on a first date because I made him try grilled octopus and he said,"I'm worried I have octopus breath."

No joke.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: It wasn't over, it still isn't over.

The blow off that was never actually a blow off.  This scene just wouldn't be the same if McAdams turned to Gosling and said "why didn't you text."

sigh.

The Great Blow Off Debate

BLOWOFFISM: Ironic Hipster T-Shirt

If I were to create an ironic hipster T-shirt to perfectly encapsulate how I felt about a recent Blow Off, it would read: "I went down on you, and all I got was this lousy Blow Off."

Makes a great Christmas gift, folks.

bad sex and the blow off

This was sent to us from one of our readers. Hilarious.

Note: NSFW

think twice before you blow off

He was so cute, so charming, so funny, but also so short (so I thought). But who was I to talk, all 5 feet 1 inches of me? I had just relocated to SF from NYC with my NY style still in full effect, with a closet full of beautiful high heeled shoes. After our first couple of dates I decided I had to retire my heels for flats - I barely owned a pair of flats, so this was a good excuse to shop.

With my new flats on my feet we decided to walk to Fillmore Street for our third date (about 6 blocks). After 3 blocks I was in pain and upon reaching the restaurant bathroom the back of my ankles were a bloody mess.

WTF? No guy should make me retire my heels, no guy should make my feet bleed!! At first, I thought that's it, I need to break it off with shorty. And bring back the heels. But I couldn't, he was winning me over date after date. So I decided what's heels got to do got to do with it? What's height but a second hand emotion?

So I got over myself and married him 2 years later and still have a closet full of heels!

Think twice before you lose out on the love of your life! Some things are just not important.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: Now that you're dead, what are you gonna do with your life?

Now, this is closure.

LITERATURE: This book can suck it!!

Same goes for the movie.   I miss the days where we could assume things didn't work out, because said person was so in love with us, it scared the shit out of them.

REVENGE: of the blow off #2

What better way to get your revenge against the person that blew you off than to make a music video about them?

I still hold out hope that one day Justin and Britney will reunite.

RESURRECTION of the blow off

I just got the above facebook friend request from a guy I briefly "dated" in NY about five years ago.

Don't think this one needs a back story. Is it bad that I accepted his friend request?

BLOWOFFism: Addendum

In response to my friend's genius BLOWOFFism from yesterday,
another good friend made a genius addendum:

"No one you haven't slept with is worth making a fuss over...
and most of the ones you have slept with too."
- Male, 33, In a Relationship, Las Vegas NV.

Spotting the blow off from a mile away

From one of our friends and readers here at the blow off:

"I went to visit his guy I had been dating for a while and was really starting to fall for (remember, I am captain long-distance relationship so he lived about 3 hours away). The first night was amazing but the second night, well, I guess I kinda let on that I was super excited about the relationship and kinda freaked him out. Let's just say, I saw the blow-off coming in the progress of his breakfast making skills.

Blow Off the Show Off

I once ran into this guy I barely knew on the streets of the UES. He had asked for my number months ago and never called. When he ran into me he claimed he lost his phone and invited me to come over for a bbq with him and his roommates. I was single in the city so i thought why not? When I showed up at his apartment he was cooking up a storm. When he was done with his dish I asked if we were going up to the roof deck to bbq with his roomies.

Nope.

He had me follow him into his bedroom.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: and by the way i spell my name with one "L"

Confronting the blow off. Angela let's Jordan have it after he blows her off at the Buffalo Tom show. Does everyone else agree that it all went kind of down hill for Claire Danes and Jared Leto after My So-Called Life?

MUSIC: when blow offs sound pretty

"And I know you have a heavy heart, I can feel it when we kiss. So many men stronger than me have thrown their backs out trying to lift it. But me I'm not a gamble, you can count on me to split. The love I sell you in the evening by the morning won't exist."

-Bright Eyes, Lua

the blindsided blow off

For our female readers: this is perhaps the scariest kind of blow off.   The kind where you start dating someone and everything is going just swimmingly.  They call when they say they're going to call, they text when they say they're going to text, and they like to cuddle.   

Before you know it, you've changed your status on facebook to "in a relationship" and you've bought matching bra and underwear sets.   And then, suddenly without any warning, they blow you off.   (Note: don't buy the nice lingerie till you're at least three months in,  there's nothing worse than being taunted by Victoria's Secret post blow off.)

Beware of the dudes that seem too good to be true in the beginning, they usually are.  They move things at lightning speed, we go along with their pace, and then once they've had time to catch their breath, they freak out.   Ladies, don't be afraid to set the pace in a relationship (i.e. slow).   The reason couples are in love by the first act of a romantic comedy, is because things need to fall apart by the end of act two.  

LITERATURE: the blow off and the graphic novel

What's with graphic novels and their tortured and artsy male leads? Shortcomings by Adrian Tomine and Clumsy by Jeffrey Brown may as well come with their very own emo soundtrack, but both books perfectly capture that empty hopeless feeling you get after you've been dumped.



Shortcomings tells the tale of Ben Tanaka as he navigates life, heartache, and sheer cynisim post break up with his gf Miko who ditches the bay area for brooklyn. Clumsy gives us a glimpse into the highs and lows of a long distance relationship between Jeff and Theresa. Jeff, the more devoted of the pair, learns the hard way that passion has a much shorter shelf life than bitterness. (Note: This book was actually given to me by an ex-boyfriend). Check out Every Girl is the End of the World For Me, also by Jeffrey Brown.

The TEXT Blow off (#1)

My boyfriend once pulled the disappearing act on a girl and when she texted to see why she never heard from him after a couple dates he wrote back:

"Interest fizzled. Have a great summer."

Ouch.

BLOWOFFism: No Muss, No Fuss

"No one you haven't slept with is worth making a fuss over."
- Male friend, 32, single, Brooklyn NY



Photo courtesy of United Mask.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen.

What was Diane Court thinking??? We would never blow off Lloyd Dobler. Happy 20th anniversary to one of the best movies ever.

REVENGE: of the blow off #1

We at theblowoff.com know that a break up can be a great motivator and that's why we love actress and love line's co-host Diane Farr's story.

After sending 300 engagement announcements, Diane's fiance abruptly broke things off. She decided the best way to inform friends and family of the change in plans was to send out another announcement. This time, the card read:

This spurred the idea for http://www.otherannouncements.com/. A greeting card company with a twist. The service is no longer (probably cause Diane is too busy with her current role on Californication), but starting your own business is a pretty cool way to make the most of a blow off.

POP CULTURE Blow Off of the Day: Then you just freak and get all psycho bitch...

Hell hath no fury like a woman dumped by a post it note. Carrie Bradshaw in Sex and the City.

Welcome to the blow off

Over the years, we've heard endless horror stories of relationships gone wrong. Maybe the blow off came after the first date, maybe it came after the first year. Regardless of the timing, the side effects of rejection are always the same: humiliation mixed with sadness, anger, and sometimes complete and total shock.

So, what's your best story? Copy and paste that painful blow off email that found it's way into your inbox. Re-type that text message that's been imprinted into your memory forever. Or even file a missing person's report for the worst kind of blow off: the one where you just simply never hear from the person again. Better yet, confess your own sins of blowing someone off.

Give us the back story or don't. Change the names or don't. It's up to you. We all need closure, we all need advice, and we've all had our heartbroken, so let's have a good laugh (or a good cry) together.

Send us your story to theblowoffwtf@gmail.com and we'll post to our website.