Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Blowing Off the Bachelor

Forgive me father for I have sinned:  Last night, I watched The Bachelor.  Okay, so I really only watched the last half hour of the finale and the entire After the Final Rose, and I never really followed this season, until I found out I shared some mutual friends with Ali (the new Bachelorette!), but I did watch enough to know that Jake's final two girls were Tenley (the madonna) and Vienna (the whore).  I didn't have as much hate on for Vienna than the rest of America, but that's probably because I wasn't a regular viewer.   Although, I did bitch out loud to myself during the show that she was pretty busted (oxymoron, what up!).  Yes, this was shallow, but I was after all watching The Bachelor (and seriously, Vienna, if you're reading this--- stop with the bad hair extensions!!)  

The most annoying part of this show is how everything anyone says is weirdly cryptic and vague.   They should seriously use subtitles:

Jake tells Tenley the physical chemistry is not there.  Translation: Vienna gives better BJ's.

Tenley tells Jake during After the Final Rose that she didn't think it was fair for him to purpose to Vienna if he also felt passionate about Tenley.  Translation:  You shouldn't propose to one girl the day after fucking another girl.

Anyway, I digress.  My beef isn't with Vienna or Tenley.  My beef is with Jake.  Season after season, The Bachelor gives us one DUD after another.  Jake was a total snooze/douche bag with no personality.  Same goes for every other bachelor, except maybe Bob Guinney who was just annoying.   I realize most cool, funny, smart, and good looking guys wouldn't agree to do The Bachelor, but can't they at least try to find someone semi-witty?   The guy was such a bore.  

It's actually kind of shocking that this show is on TV in the year 2010.   There's something very 1950s about women that are dying to get married and have babies.   Where is the feminist outrage???  Female readers, if you want to make a difference, stop watching The Bachelor and start watching The Bachelorette (which doesn't rate as well, but gives the power back to us ladies.  Plus, I have high hopes for Ali).   Then, once we cross the cancellation of The Bachelor off our lists, we can tackle healthcare reform.   You with me?  


  1. Thank you for putting words to the thoughts in my mind! Love it.


  2. Propose, not purpose.

    Truth is that middle America is more 1950s about women than what you and your readers believe (myself included)

  3. The thing that disappointed me about the show (other than the fact I watched it) was that when Ali left for her job, everyone acted like she was the only one with a choice. If Jake really loved her and not just the idea of proposing to the last girl standing, he could have continued with his contractual obligation, but chosen neither of the finalists. Yeah, kind of cruel, but a choice.

    Then back in the real world (or on the After the Rose special, producers would eat it up), he could rekindle things with Ali. Instead, he put the whole choice on her and acted like she ruined their "relationship." But when she asked to come back, he cited unfairness to the other contestants. Which is profoundly dumb. Either you care enough about this person to let her have another shot or you don't and therefore shouldn't have pouted like a baby when she needed to return to her pesky professional life.

    What then killed me is that Ali went on to praise the show and Jake, going along with the theory that she was to blame and now had her priorities straight. I can only hope that this was just some PR bullshit she had to spew in order to be the next Bachelorette. But even if it was... Why? She seems too smart to believe that this is really the way to find true love. I guess I'll have to hope she's angling for an in on Dancing with the Stars.

    And as someone from a flyover state, I feel the need to point out that feminist ideals don't only exist in blue states. Also, crazy Michelle was just 26 and already in hysterics about not being a wife and mother yet. And she's from California.