Wednesday, March 31, 2010

I BLOW OFF Booty Calls (and texts)


Booty Calls annoy me. It’s not because I think all this casual sex in the middle of the night will bring down the foundations of Western Civilization or anything like that – I just find them rude. Someone who can’t be bothered to call you during the week, finally finds it in himself (or herself) to text you at 2am on a Friday or Saturday night to see if you are around Right Now for some sex. Also, there is the scroll factor – by 2am most drunk, horny people just want A Warm Body, so the first person that responds… Game On. But the main reason booty calls annoy me is that they don’t involve food. Yes, I enjoy food with my casual sex, thank you very much.

So I devised this technique to deal with booty calls. First of all, I turn my phone off after midnight. Second, if I get a booty call, the next day I call the guy back and oh so sweetly tell him, “I’m so glad you were thinking of me, but in the future I need dinner before and breakfast after. Thanks!” You may argue that this no longer makes it a booty call. To which I would answer, “Exactly!”

The responses would usually vary from ignoring what I said, to indignation – “You’re not my girlfriend, so you have no right to tell me what to do, blah, blah, blah.” But the best response I ever got was, “What are you doing for dinner tonight?” Guess which guy got laid?

2 comments:

  1. i don't think i've ever had a booty call before. I vote not healthy unless you really have zero feelings for the person and just need to a warm human body.

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  2. the last booty call i got was actually during a weekday ~7pm. i know this doesn't qualify given the time & day, but trust me it was a booty call. the good news is i was at dinner with my now husband (we had just started dating) - so the booty call voicemail turned into a blow-off. i never called him back and never heard from him again!

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