Wednesday, March 31, 2010

The Pre-adolescent BLOW OFF

Ah, my very first blow off. Feels like it was yesterday. But in reality, it was somewhere in the mid-80s. There was a dreamy boy who I really loved named Sean. My first love was unrequited, as Sean had no interest in me and I knew it. Sean liked this other girl named Wendy who wasn't that pretty and wasn't that smart and I just couldn't for the life of me understand what he saw in her! But, I digress. Clearly I have no lingering feelings of rejection from elementary school. This story isn't about Sean, though he was the number one object of my desire. This story is about another boy who caught my fancy. A cute and popular boy named Lenny, whose mom was a teacher at our school. His mom liked me and Lenny was always nice to me, and for reasons I can't fully recall I thought there was a chance that Lenny liked liked me. 

After school one day, a girlfriend of mine was over at my house and we decided to start calling boys. My friend was too terrified to actually call anyone, and I was way too scared to call Sean but I figured that Lenny was a perfectly good substitute. So we got his number out of our school directory and I called him. I remember exactly the rollercoaster of emotions that accompanied this event. I remember feeling superior to my friend for having the guts to call someone. I remember how smug and confident I felt when he first got on the phone. And then I remember how it all came crashing down when Lenny, realizing who was talking to said "No offense, but I don't want to talk to you." And I swear those were his exact words. They are forever etched on my psyche. And I said "OK" and we both hung up and that was the end of it.

I was embarrassed in that intense way that you can only be embarrassed between the ages of 8 and 18. The kind of my-life-is-over-and-I-can-feel-the-last-humiliated-gasp-escaping-from-my-lips-and-that's-fine-because-I-rather-die-than-live-with- this-memory embarrassment. I was not only too embarrassed to ever look at Lenny again, I was even too embarrassed to look at his mother (thank God she wasn't my teacher). But in retrospect, Lenny didn't handle the situation that badly. To my knowledge, he never told anyone about it. And he did say "no offense" which of course guaranteed that I would be offended, but I think he was being as nice as he knew how to be under the circumstances. I've gotta hand it to Lenny - he didn't pull any punches. If only every guy who had ever blown me off had the courage to be so direct about it. Lenny, wherever you are - I hope you're still telling it like it is.

1 comment:

  1. Guys were so much more direct in grade school and us girls were less afraid of making the first move. We should track this Lenny guy down and see if he's stayed true to who he was back in the 80s.