Sunday, March 28, 2010

the sometimes it really isn't you BLOW OFF

Hi! So I'm a new contributor and this is my very first blog post EVER. First, I want to say thanks to saaara for giving me this opportunity to share my breakup/relationship stories. Fortunately for this blog I have a lot of them! And second, I hope I am able to make everyone feel a bit better about navigating the dangerous waters of dating - or at least be able to laugh about it! Now, without further ado... the sometimes it really isn't you BLOW OFF.

I think one of the worst aspects of being blown off is the embarrassment factor. You feel like such an idiot for even believing something could happen with that person in the first place. And if you've shared your excitement with friends/family, it just compounds the embarrassment - exponentially. Then, if you're anything like me (my melodrama level goes to 11), it quickly spirals down into the dark pit of despair - I must have some FATAL flaw that will keep me alone and single for the rest of my life. I will be 85 and living with my 20 cats, which sucks even more because I'm allergic to cats...

However, despite what some books like He's Just Not That Into You proclaim, sometimes it really isn't about you at all. I was dating this guy, "Mark" and we had an amazing connection. It got hot and heavy pretty quickly and people around me remarked that I was "glowing." Which was interesting as I was not getting a lot of sleep at the time. As things seemed to be going very well, I invited him to a friend's birthday party. On the night of the party, I was doing a script reading, so we agreed to just meet at the bar around 9pm. I arrive at the bar, so excited to introduce my fabulous new man to all of my friends. At 9:30, he's stil not there. I call and leave a message. 10pm, 10:30pm, still no Mark. I call several times. 11pm. 11:30pm. Okay, now I'm worried. Maybe he got in a car accident and is lying dead by the side of the road (melodrama meter steadily rising). Several phone calls with no answer and a half an hour later, I decide to go over to his place. At least if he's dead, his roommates should know, right?

I buzz his apartment and his roommate answers. I ask for Mark and the roommate yells out, "Mark, some girl for you." Um, some girl?!? Really? And Mark's been home - this entire time?!? I ask him why he blew me off. He answers that "he forgot." I mention the multiple phone calls. He says he never got them. Um right. Worse still, he is totally unapologetic. I think he even mentioned something using the words, "It's no big deal." Oh, and did I mention that when the melodrama hits 11, the temper shows up? There is a reason why I do A LOT of yoga. Anyhow, the temper arrived and I yelled back at him (through the intercom!) that he was a big jerk and I never wanted to see him again. Ever. Then I stormed off, went home, cried myself to sleep, and seriously contemplated dating women.

About three months later, Mark shows up on my doorstep. Before I can say anything, he launches into a long apology about that awful night three months ago. He said his ex-girlfriend (who had broken his heart a year earlier) showed up on his doorstep begging forgiveness and he didn't know what to do. Worse still, this ex-girlfriend lived in Arizona, so he couldn't just tell her to go home and they'd talk about it later. He said it didn't end up working out with her and would really love to try things again with me. However, I was already dating the man who would become my husband, and then my ex-husband, and then my non-ex husband (all blog posts for another day), so I politely and graciously declined. But I did feel a sense of vindication, that in this instance, it really had NOTHING do with me.


  1. Mmm...his story sounds kind of made up. I would think that if what he said really did happen he would've said something like, "hey I'm really sorry but something serious has come up and I'll explain later". The fact that he said it was something along the lines of it being no big deal on that night seems too off for the story he later gave as an excuse. Perhaps he blew you off, got lonely a few months later and realized he had made a mistake?

  2. i think i have to agree with O. i wonder if the getting hot/heavy quickly and meeting friends thing scared him off and he came up with some lame excuse.

  3. i agree with slim that a lot of guys have an inevitable freak out about 1-3 months in if things are moving too fast, even if they set the pace. Whether or not his explanation about the ex-gf was true or not, it's always nice closure when they come crawling back. glad you didn't give him a second chance. you snooze, you lose!