Tuesday, April 6, 2010

BLOWN OFF by my first Republican

Senior year of college I was done with guys and looking for a man. And I found him at a friend’s party – tall, red hair (love the red hair), and far more mature than the other guys there. We started talking. To accompany his good looks, he was smart, funny, and best of all into me. In fact, as the party wound down, he even said to me, “Wow, you’re a woman.” I was pleased to find out he was also done with girls and looking for someone beyond her years like me.

We were off to a great start – until I learned on our first date – he was a Republican. The only thing I really can’t stand about Republicans is the pro-life stance. Otherwise, I can take it. He was pro-life, but as I said, he was also a man. So I gave him a chance.

We had a great time hanging out on the beach, seeing plays, and even mundanely watching sports on TV. I was pretty sure this Republican was becoming my boyfriend. And despite his politics, I was hoping he would be. His birthday was coming up and I thought I’d bake him my grandmother’s cheesecake to show him what a marvelous girlfriend I could be. The cheesecake is always a hit, and though it takes a few hours, I thought he might be worth it. I bought all the ingredients, but before I made it, I went to his house that night and had a feeling this would be our first big make-out night – maybe the last time we fooled around before we had sex. And to tell you the truth, I think those big make-out nights you have with someone for the first time can be more fun than once you start having sex. Maybe it makes me feel like a teenager again.

But it wasn’t as fun as I hoped. We were fooling around on his bed and I thought we were having a good time, but it turned out it wasn’t good enough for Mr. Republican – he wanted to have sex right then. Ironic since if I got pregnant he would also have to take care of the baby, because he doesn’t think anyone should have an abortion. So, when I tried to slow things down he just got pissy. I went home and hoped for a nice call the next day. But nothing. I waivered on whether I should start the cheesecake, but his birthday passed and still no call. I returned the cheesecake ingredients and to this day feel proud I didn’t waste my grandmother’s cheesecake recipe on someone who wasn’t man enough for it. Perhaps another red-haired Republican will come along to right his wrongs…

For this story:

Read: Heartburn by Nora Ephron

Listen to: Is You Is Or Is You Ain’t My Baby? (Dinah Washington, Rae and Christian remix)

Bake: Philadelphia Cream Cheese Cheesecake Recipe (on the box) and add Raspberries.

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