Wednesday, April 14, 2010

the environmental BLOW OFF #1: The Sun

Remember when you were a kid and you'd frolic in the sun, reveling in its rays? When a day at the pool was a blast and freckles were cute? When a suntan meant you were healthy and ready to rock that Jessica McClintock prom dress? That day no longer exists.

Thanks "science" for proving that the sun hates me. Thanks for proving that both UVA and UVB rays are bad for me and that the only real way to reduce my risk for sun exposure is to stay locked deep inside my home and only emerge nocturnally like a wan Twilight character. Thanks a ton for making the sun, a necessity for all life on Earth, my mortal, ever-taunting enemy.

Both my parents have had, at one point or another, skin cancer removed from their pale, wrinkled faces, my husband's back is littered with more moles than a Disney witch's face, and I am roughly the color of a sickly ghost. I pity my future sun-spurned spawn. We are hated by the sun and it's not fair! I love swimming in waves, reading on the beach and taking long walks in the middle of the day. I love that feeling of euphoria that only prolonged sun exposure can bring. I love me some natural Vitamin D.

I want to go back to the days when I didn't care about getting some color. It meant that I was enjoying life and I had ruddy cheeks to prove it. I want to go back... but I am too vain and well-informed. Damn science! Of course I don't want skin cancer so for now I will try to enjoy my fifteen minutes of well-protected, sunblock slathered sun. I will also take Vitamin D supplements because no sun makes me grumpy.


  1. but i hate being pale and pasty and spray tans make everyone look like oompa loompa's. can't someone just find the cure for cancer, stat?

  2. Dude. Freckles, still cute. Way cute.

  3. Observation:
    1. People in countries where most of the work is done outside want to be pale (developing counties)
    2. People in countries where most of the work is done inside want to be tan (United States).