Thursday, April 8, 2010

The Pre-Dump BLOW OFF

I had a yoga acquaintance who we’ll call The Australian. I would see him in class from time to time, and we’d always exchange pleasantries, nothing more. As my yoga practice progressed, I started taking a more advanced class than the one in which I’d normally see The Australian. One morning he appears in the advanced class, and upon seeing me says “Oh! This is where you’ve been hiding.” And we chat and we partner for handstands and that’s that.

The next day, The Australian is back in class. This is right around Christmas time, and he asks if he can take me out for a “Christmas lunch.” He’s nice enough, and I’ve known him casually for a long time, so I agree. We go out to lunch, we have a good time. Then he asks me to dinner, to a screening, to go for a hike, and on and on. Pretty soon I realize I’m dating The Australian.

Now, I am not terribly romatically interested in this guy at first. But he grows on me. He's funny and smart, really attentive and thoughtful in planning our dates. And so I assume he’s interested in me, and not just looking for a hangout buddy, but I’m not sure. Somewhere around our second or third date I ask him if he has a girlfriend, and he says no. And then he kisses me. So, OK, I’m guessing he likes me!

He goes back to Australia for a few weeks, and we email back and forth while he’s gone. He comes back and we hang out and all seems well. For his birthday I cook him dinner, he's happy and grateful, we make out, all is progressing. Then a few days later he calls me and asks me to meet him out for a drink, which I do.  At drinks, he announces how much he likes me and tells me he would “totally date you if I were single.” If you were single? Would date me? He then proceeds to tell me that he has a girlfriend in Australia, and while the situation isn’t perfect, they are together and he wanted to be straight with me. I ask him how telling me he didn’t have a girlfriend when I asked him weeks earlier was being straight with me, but he doesn't answer the question.

Befuddled, I realize I’m being blown off. We aren’t yet together, but we are certainly dating. He apparently disagrees, telling me we’re not. So I say to him: “OK, then you’re pre-dumping me?” And he gets all defensive – “What? No. I’m not dumping you. I just wanted to tell you I wish I could date you but I can’t.” I try to explain to him that he was dating me until 5 minutes ago, but he feigns ignorance. I try to suppress my frustration at being made to feel like a crazy person. He’s the one who started this whole mess! But I'm getting nowhere, so I give up, finish my drink, and leave. That’s the last I ever saw of The Australian.

He never showed up at yoga again, and I only heard from him via mass email containing the trailer to his newest film (he’s a movie producer). I actually felt badly that he might have felt blowing me off meant he now had to blow off his yoga practice, and so I benevolently sent him an email telling him I hoped he wasn’t avoiding class on my account.   I told him I was perfectly fine to see him, and it was true. He had been winning me over, but the pre-dump stopped that dead in its tracks. He never responded to my email.

To this day, The Australian remains the only guy who has ever taken the time to dump me when he (allegedly) didn’t even consider us to be dating. More considerate than disappearing into the ether, I suppose. But just as perplexing.

1 comment:

  1. Why can't some dudes just tell the truth when it comes to the girlfriend question? I asked an ex i still had feelings for if he had started dating anyone else, and he said no--- but he was head over heels in love with another girl. And if there is any homemade cooking involved then that equals dating.

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