Thursday, April 22, 2010


Last night, due to a certain BLOW OFF writer's 30th bday party, I found myself hanging out at Gold Club-- a "gentle men's" club in San Francisco.  At first, my bf and I were gonna skip it, but then I got into the spirit of my two vodka gimlets and time spent with old friends.  Next thing I knew, I was paying a $20 cover to get in.  According to the door man, girls used to get in free, but they decided that was discrimination (this is what equal rights has gotten us, ladies).  I told him I thought not having  naked boys was discrimination, but whatevs.

So, here's the thing.  I so want to be the type of girl that's totally cool with strip clubs.  I want to be the girl that can hang with the dudes and flash around my dolla-dolla bills.  But I'm not and I can't.   When I was a senior in high school, I gave my boyfriend a stack of ones when he turned eighteen and his friends took him to the Pink Poodle in San Jose.  All the boys thought I was the coolest girlfriend for doing that.  But in hindsight, that was my master plan.  I think a lot of times us ladies BLOW OFF how things might really make us feel, so that we can earn the title of Cool Girlfriend.  And that not being the cool girlfriend = insecure with trust issues.  well...fuck that. 

The thing is, I don't really like the idea of my bf looking at other live tit-ays or spending money on other women.  Also, the expression on dude's faces at strip clubs kind of makes me want to throw up on myself (white man's overbite left and right).  Plus, I'm not really sure why it's generally accepted for guys in committed relationships to get lap dances.   Would it be okay for me to heavily pet a boy in a bar as long as i give him $50 after ($100 at Gold Club, btw)?  Yes, I can appreciate the female body just as much as the next person and some of these girls were pretty cute (some of you were totally phoning it in).  Despite that, instead of giving them money what I really wanted to do was cover them with a trench coat and smuggle them out of the club like Jennifer Beals does with her bff in Flashdance.   So, if that means i'm not as cool as Diablo Cody or that i'm a sexually un-liberated prude, so be it.  I don't like strip clubs.  They're gross.  And I have to believe there are some (straight) men and some un-cool girlfriends that agree with me.  

All of that said, I do love songs about strippers.

Wyclef Jean - Perfect Gentleman (Official Music Video) - Watch more top selected videos about: Wyclef_Jean


  1. Aw sweetheart, you are the bestest for sticking it out for as long as you did at GC. I agree, the place was really quite depressing and I was totally not turned out by any of the dancers. They were like robots in scary heels! We shoulda gone up there and shaken things up a bit- we def woulda scored a wad of ones.

    All told, it was a fabulous way to ring in my 30s... ending at the GC, passed out on the side of the stage, next to a tower of ones.

    True story.

  2. Seriously, some of those girls were totally phoning it in!!! and many of them had cellulite. but by far the best part of the night was when you had front row seats and completely passed out and then when we were leaving you started shoutiing "i'm gonna take my clothes off"

    super hilarious. such a fun night!!!