Wednesday, May 5, 2010

The Cyclical BLOW OFF

I’ve been trying to remember a good blow off story in which I did the blowing off. It took so much effort that I came to the conclusion I was one hell of a doormat back in my dating days. And that’s when memories of 'Don' surfaced. He was my first serious boyfriend (if you don’t count ‘going with’ my middle school romeo for 9 months). Somewhere around the first week of my freshman year in college I was kind of assigned Don.  After Rush, I was immediately taken under the wing of a group of mostly seniors from my sorority. Don was the one eligible bachelor in the group of guys my ‘sisters’ were dating. They presented me like the fresh meat I was and he took the bait hook line and sinker… well, not exactly sinker.

Although he was perfectly happy to have me on his arm and in his bed, he didn’t think he needed to legitimize my status in his life by making me his actual girlfriend. At first I didn’t care that it was casual; early on I was dating other people. Then when I started to care, I was too chicken to push the point (story of my life). After about four or five months, on a particularly angsty evening, I held his feet to the fire. He would not be corralled, regardless of the fact that it was only a matter of semantics. We were spending every night together and most of every day. He hadn’t gone out with anyone else since we met. He wouldn’t have been giving anything up or changing anything but it seemed the possibility that someone else could come along was more appealing to him than the reality of me.

So I decided he was too stubborn to be worth my fidelity. If he couldn’t be man enough to own up to what we were, then I didn’t need to pull myself off the dating market for him. I reigned in the amount of time I spent with him and another guy came on the scene; we’ll call him the one that got away. I should have left Don eating my dust for this one. He’s an actual example of an efficient blow off that I initiated but that’s another post all together.

Don was a sore loser and a big crier. I’m a huge sucker for a bawling man. I don’t know what it is about their vulnerability suddenly streaming down their faces but it dilutes all my logic and resolve immediately. Seeing me with the one that got away made Don realize how much he loved me, blah, blah, blah. And so our cycle began. We would fight and break up and then I would meet someone new and suddenly Don would repent all his sins and beg for me to take him back.

This completely illogical and largely annoying cycle continued for two years. We broke up and got back together at least five times. I think somewhere deep down (and sometimes right on the surface) I knew it would never work with us but I was eighteen and I didn’t know any better than to equate unbelievably hot sex with undying love.   At the time, I kept blaming our problems on the situation. We were always on his turf.  I lived in the dorm and then in the sorority house so he never got to be in my space with me. We were constantly with his roommate and his lost-boy-esque friends. Then I left the sorority (cause lets face it they suck) and got my own apartment. I had only been there a few weeks when one night Don came over after work to find me watching Frasier. When we were on his turf we watched nothing but sports center or whatever video game the lost boys happened to be playing. It turned out the humor of Frasier was too highbrow for Don. It hit me: we couldn’t do the one most basic thing two humans can do together, watch TV. It had to end.

For about six weeks he tried to keep the cycle going. One evening he just had to see me. He wanted to tell me all about how he had gotten ‘saved’ in the mall parking lot by a co-worker. Don’s parents were devout Buddhists. Don, himself, wasn’t much of anything, but in complete desperation he was willing to be whatever he thought I wanted him to be. He missed the boat on that entirely. Although, I was raised in a Christian church, it wasn’t a Baptist one and I happen to think the whole I’m going to get ‘saved’ on a whim thing (and potentially over and over and over again) is just plain silly. Unfortunately, after two years Don still didn’t know me well enough to know that. All he knew was that his standard cycle perpetuating make-up attempts weren’t working. It was time to cut him off.  We eventually became friends but not until a lot of time had passed and I was sure the cycle was completely broken.


  1. i had a cyclical blow off that lasted a good three years with about four blow offs. it feels so good to get those people out of your life finally!

  2. Nice read! A suggestion though, and this is relevant for a lot of the posts here: If you include the details of the actual blow off the story would read even better. What did you say to him? Where were you when you said it. Was he expecting it? Did he protest? Did he remain a Christian after your break-up? Just my two cents!

  3. Good point, thanks anonymous! We'll make sure to give more details on the actual blow off!