Thursday, May 20, 2010

the red flag BLOW OFF

A good friend of mine had a first date last week and wasn't sure if a certain quality about the guy she went out with should be considered a "red flag."  After a couple minutes of analysis among a few other girls, we decided that it could be a red flag or a first date hiccup and that she should give it a second date.   

The whole thing got me thinking that red flags are kind of a pain in the ass.  We usually don't recognize them until after a relationship is over and then we just feel stupid that we didn't see the rupture coming from a mile away.  So, in an effort to make all your dating lives a little easier, here's a top ten list of  some of the ones you should pay attention to:

10.  Girls who will never pay for dinner.  These bitches also won't marry you unless you buy them a big enough engagement ring.

9.  Guys who only date Asian girls.  They will break up with you.   (this only applies to non-Asian girls).  

8.  Girls who go through guys phones, emails, etc.  (PS I've totally done this)

7.  Guys who wear Ed Hardy T-shirts.  This is the douche bag uniform of all time.

6.  Girls who practice premature we-jaculation.  In other words, they use the word "we" way too soon in a relationship.  These dumb asses are clingy.  

5.  Guys who constantly want to buy you things.  We have our own money and we're not prostitutes.  

4.  Girls who wear a lot of make up.   If their face and their neck are different colors, then that 401K of yours is going to life long nips and tucks.  

3.  Guys who still live with their mothers.   By the time they are forty, they will dress up like her and murder you in the shower.  

2.  Girls who don't eat.  They are closet eaters who can't properly enjoy a good meal.  (and they probably only give BJs with the lights off).    

1.  Guys who don't drink.  Unless you're going through the twelve steps, you best order a beer or glass of wine at dinner.   You are boring sober.  

And....your welcome .  

14 comments:

  1. Amen on the no drinking - for one, how are we supposed to make out for the first time sober? Also, just order a god damn drink and don't take sip of it - just to make me feel better!!!

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  2. I disagree. The descision not to drink at momoents of insecurity, or even at all, acerts strengths in character, self awareness and emotional depth (of which certain Blow Off posts have been lacking) real life travels condition horse to read a new trail as a test of abilities, some (or at least the meomory) of which is subject to any poison you are socially presured into ingesting. if the feeling isn't there, and he has to get loaded, he's just giving you charity.

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  3. ooooh, snap! Anonymous, thanks for your comment. I like people that are passionate/opinionated, but not sure I dig the emotional depth remark.

    #1 Break ups are hard, so we try to keep our posts about them light and funny. the lack of emotional depth is very much intentional.

    #2 people with real "strength of character" aren't afraid to comment with their names instead of "anonymous".

    #3 I spell better than you when I'm wasted and typing with my eyes closed.

    #4 Please tell all your friends to read this blog and I hope I don't know you personally, because then I'll feel really bad. xoxo

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  4. how'd John Mayer get in here? i thought we exiled him to DB Island months ago!!!

    John, you totally lost me at real life horse moments of traveling conditional depth.

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  5. i apologize. the superficial nature and lack of depth is refreshing. society needs more followers like you, but before you decide to clone yourself, work on downsizing your ego and you may find that it has already been done for you.

    i'm paddling back to my island.

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  7. Sara, I love your cheeky humor! Obviously you hit a proverbial nerve on the head. Good work!

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  8. Anonymous #1 takes himself way too seriously. apparently guys who don't drink are also hypersensitive.

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  9. yeah, super sensitive and never get laid...

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  10. ...not trying to play off the clone thing, but the link below presents a little more insight on the issue.

    http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/all-the-single-ladies/2010/01/the-non-drinking-guy-deal-breaker-or-not.html

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  11. good article! i like the point that there's guys who don't drink VS guys who don't drink and are holier than thou about it.

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  12. This is mildly hilarious. I rarely drink. Most women I know drink. The ones that don't drink tend to be churchy. I'm not churchy. So I need to either drink more or church it up.

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