Monday, June 7, 2010

the bachelorette & the BLOW OFF: episode 2

So, I'm getting together again with my favorite bachelorettes tonight to watch everyone's favorite reality show.  Um, Ali was actually in my dream the other night... how pathetic is that? I was hanging out with a bunch of guy friends and they were all super enamored with her and I was super annoyed.  Anyway...here's my recap on episode two.  Recap on tonight's show will be coming at you soon.  

*Yay, Ali looks like herself again.  She's wearing a bright yellow tank top, her signature low top converse, and her hair is in a cute braid.  She's pretty much a ray of sunshine.

*She's having her first one on one date with Frank who of course is creepishly excited.  They get to drive around in a super cool convertible and Ali's driving-- cause that's the kind of girl she is.  She is woo-wooing a bit too much for my taste, but for now, I'm willing to ignore it.

*Then, the craziest thing happens!  They are on the freeway and the car breaks down...!!! Can you believe it?!?!?  What are the chances?!  Oh man, I miss the days when  I could watch reality TV shows without picking out which moments were completely staged and scripted.

*Ali suggests they just leave the car and run to their date!  Damn, she is so spontaneous and low maintenance.   Most girls would call Triple A, but not Ali.

*Frank is practically foaming at the mouth when people come up to Ali on Hollywood Blvd and ask her for her autograph.  Boyfriend totally wants to be famous.  

*Okay, Frank and Ali end up getting to hike to the Hollywood sign where they share their first kiss.  This is actually kind of cool, especially since Frank is a famous screenwriter living in Paris.  Actually, it turns out, he lived in Paris for only one month and now he's the manager of a retail store while he tries to write.  I can respect that, but Ali looks like he just told her he goes from one third world country to the next operating on cleft palates.  They kiss some more, while I get grossed out.  

*Group date!  Ali's all about charitable causes so the guys are going to shoot a Bachelorette calendar.   The show gives no details on what the charity is or why anyone would want a Bachelorette calendar, but you can purchase yours here for $24.95 (per the website, $3 goes to Global Green).   Ali is woo-wooing so much at the group date that it's making me want to smack her.  No one is this perky unless they are on coke.

*The guys have to wear really stupid outfits for the calendar (making it that much more of a money maker for "charity").  I start to feel for the weatherman here, because he thinks he has chicken legs and really doesn't want to wear a speedo.  It's nice to know that some dudes are as insecure about their bodies as us ladies are.  Weatherman actually looks okay in the speedo.  

*One of the guys starts playing guitar and singing for Ali.  Again, she stares at him with complete and total amazement.  Is she really falling for this?  It's the oldest trick in the book.    

*The group date progresses.   Guitar guy tells Ali he's been married before.  She looks like she just found out he has herpes, but she's nice to him and even gives him a rose.  

*The weatherman interrupts, because he decides he needs to warn Ali about Craig.  He tells Ali that Craig is "dangerous."  The Craig/Weatherman conflict in this episode is extremely awesome.  These two should be in a buddy movie gone bad called Craig and the Weatherman.  Frank can write the screenplay.  Ali thanks the weatherman for the 411.

*Ali has her next one on one date with the 24 year old.  Um, this guy totally got a better date than Frank.  They take a private plane to Vegas.  OMG!  Ali's afraid of flying and I'm afraid of flying.  Now, I like love her!!

*They get to Vegas and there's a Ferrari waiting for them and of course, Ali gets to drive, because she's that hot.

*Ali and the 24 year old get the star treatment in Vegas.  A pool all to themselves and a super nice suite.  the 24 year old is hot, but he's got douche bag tattoos and doesn't really seem to have much of a personality.  Plus, I just can't get with guys who don't like oysters.

*Ugh, Ali is wearing yet another evening gown that doesn't fit her right and was made for a prom queen in Texas circa 1994.

*Back at the house, things are getting really tense between weatherman and Craig.  First, Craig wears weatherman's terrible white jacket and makes hard core fun of him.  Weatherman looks like he might cry.  I kind of feel bad for him, but it's also kind of hilarious.

*It's the night of the rose ceremony now and the guys are trying to get as much time with Ali as possible.  She has a cute moment with Chris L.  (the guy from the Cape).  He's super nervous and awkward around her, but it's endearing.  I heart him.  

*Speech impediment guy tries to get some time with Ali, but stupid Frank has to interrupt them.  Frank starts telling Ali that he already feels like she's his girlfriend.  Whoa, Frank, way to play hard to get.

*Finally, the moment I've been waiting for.  Ali and Roberto get some alone time and play catch in the driveway.  Now, I'm feeling really insecure.  Ali and I might share a fear of flying, but i'm just not the kind of girl that can confidently drive a ferrari and catch a baseball.  I'm such a loser compared to her.  

*Then, something shocking happens.  Ali blabs to Craig that somebody in the house told her he was dangerous (after she promised weatherman she wouldn't say anything.  Nice one, Fedotowsky).  Craig confronts all the guys in the house and weatherman does a terrible job of denying he said it.   Okay, now I don't feel sorry for weatherman at all, he's a huge dork and I want him off my TV screen.  Now.

*My favorite favorite part of the show is when Ali looks at all the framed photos of the guys right before the rose ceremony.  

*Chris Harrison appears and proves that he has the greatest job on TV.  All he does is stand there and watch Ali hand out roses.  

*Ali has to get rid of three guys.  I'm shocked at some of the guys that get roses.  The slightly cuter version of Paul Giamatti?  The guy with girl hair?  Rated R?  THE WEATHERMAN?!?! Craig does not get a rose and the weatherman practically creams himself.  Sigh.  I'll miss Craig. He was slightly off, but he had good hair and he caused drama.  

I cannot wait to see what happens tonight.  Who will get a rose?  Who will stick their tongue down Ali's throat?  Will she wear another prom dress?  How many times will she "woo-woo"? The suspense is killing me.  

2 comments:

  1. i am loving these recaps. i was wondering if the car breakdown was staged - thanks for confirming. the whole down to earth ali is way over the top - it's making me hate her. who is the guy with the speech impediment? the guy that sounds like kermit the frog??

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  2. totally, the kermit the frog guy. the one that apparently goes psycho next week.

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