Thursday, June 24, 2010

chatroulette WTF?!

The things I do for this blog.  I've been reading/hearing a lot about chatroulette.com (the website where you video chat with random peeps) and I was particularly fascinated by the fact that all you have to do to blow someone off on this website is click the "next" button.  You can click next halfway through a conversation or you can click it immediately when you see the video of the person.  And you don't even have to feel guilty about it, because they don't know who you are and can never track you down again for an explanation.  In chatroulette lingo this is referred to as being "nexted."  

I've never been in a chat room in my life.  The worst things I've looked at on the internet is NSFW pictures of celebrity nipple slips.  Okay fine, I'll admit I've looked at internet porn but purely out of curiosity (ie what's all the rage?) and I can count the times I've done it on one hand.  And I guarantee I had nightmares from it, because apparently a porn is not a porn unless the dudes are fucking disgusting.  Suffice it to say, I'm an internet prude.

So, when I decided to do a little investigative reporting for the BLOW OFF and try out the "next" button firsthand, I knew I may be exposing myself to some weird kinky behavior.  According to the wiki page, 1 in 10 of the feeds are of users exhibiting themselves in the nude or masturbating.  On average, 89% of peeps on chatroulette are male.  FYI, I only learned those statistics after I logged in....

Folks, five seconds was about all I could take on this site.

For those of you that have never done it, the site has two video screens.  One of you, one of the person you chat with.  First, you click an icon to initiate your video.  Done.  I actually looked kind of cute compared to how I normally look on a webcam.  Then you click the "next" button to initiate the other video screen.  I took a deep breath and pressed "next" and saw.....

 A GIANT CLOSE UP OF SOMEONE'S NAKED ASS.

I immediately screamed and closed the window.   (Note: there is a "report" button, but I was in a panic and forgot all about it).  I sat frozen for a couple seconds, before I convinced myself to man up and give it another shot.  I told myself "you are doing this for your thirty readers, Sara.  You cannot let these people down."  So, I went back on the site, initiated my video, clicked "next", then pointed the mouse right by the "x" so I could close out the window as fast as humanly possible.  Hopefully, it would just be a cool girl from Australia who wants to know what it's like to live in LA or even better,  a celeb like Ashton Kutcher.  Nope, I'm not that lucky.

It was dark.  I could see a guy's torso in a polo shirt.  Then he panned the camera to his face. Sigh of relief.  He looks kind of innocent and normal.  Then, for a split second, I worried I'd get nexted and feel super rejected.  I'm not gonna lie, it was kind of an ego boost when I wasn't. This is how our conversation went:

him: hi
me: hi
him: from?
me: California
me: I've never been on this site before.  What about you?
him: show baby
me (in my head): show baby?! ewww, show what?  what am I doing on this gross site?  Wait, oh no, what's he doing?!?!

he got up...and just as it looked like he was gonna pull down his pants.......

I screamed and closed the window.  Looks like I will be blowing off chatroulette from here on out.  It's a gamble my non-virgin eyes just aren't willing to take.  

5 comments:

  1. I'm dying. Laughing so hard it hurts.

    ReplyDelete
  2. this is too funny.

    btw, did the first guy with his ass showing have a mole on his left cheek? I was drunk last week and woke up with my pants down and the chat roulette site logged in. hmmm....

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dude, O. I actually went on the site yesterday, so I don't think it was your butt, unless this is a regular occurrence. if only i did a screen grab, i could have posted the butt on the blog and we could have figured it out.

    ReplyDelete
  4. omg omg omg . OH. MY. GOD.

    i am traumatized.

    thanks for doing this for us, Sara. this is NUTS! pun intended.

    ps- you are super cute on webcam, AND in real life!

    ReplyDelete
  5. OMG, this is SO hilarious. I tried going on this site once, thinking I would meet a worldly woman from Prague. But I didn't look so cute on camera so I didn't even get that far. I "nexted" myself before anyone could next me, I guess. Probably a good thing I didn't get past that point after reading this!

    ReplyDelete