Tuesday, June 1, 2010

i wish i could BLOW OFF the Bachelorette

My girlfriends and I started a tradition last Monday that included delicious Vietnamese food, a giant projector screen (yes, one of my gfs has a giant projector screen in her apartment.  My friends are the best), and (wait for it) a two hour screening of The Bachelorette on ABC.  We are smart girls. We all became friends after starting a book club for crap sakes, but last Monday we couldn't seem to tear our eyes away from the show or stop the two hours of constant commentary. 

Maybe it's because it's more fun to watch a girl "date" twenty five guys, maybe it's cause Ali Fedotowsky is more down to earth than some of the show's previous contestants (I mean, I read she wants to wear converse sneakers with her wedding dress! *see photo*), or maybe we secretly want to hand out bouttonnieres to a room full of adoring guys + Chris Harrison and a camera crew.  We could analyze the hows and whys forever, but instead, here are the highlights of our take on the season opener.   We'll be bringing these to you every week.  Sadly, due to the holiday weekend we didn't get together on Memorial Day, but stay tuned for our take on episode #2 later this week.  (none of you fools watch the show live anyway i hope.)

*The show starts with Ali doing weird things like playing soccer by herself and talking about how ready she is to have a husband.

*We all groan at how many times she says she quit her job, gave up her apartment, gave up everything to meet the man of our dreams.  The women's movement just took three giant steps backwards.  This was the girl who chose her job over Jake "the douche" Pavelka.

*The edited packages on the guys: we assume this means these are the ones that will be around for awhile.   Our first impressions---

Frank from Chicago.  We love him.  He's so cute.  And he's from Chicago.  LuckyD who's also from Chicago tells us that there are tons of cute great boys there.  We roll our eyes at the fact that he's living in Paris to write a screenplay.  Ugh.  What, is he too good to write a screenplay in LA like everyone else?

Chris L. from "the Cape."  We love him too.  How can you not like a guy who moved home to take care of his dying mother?  Plus, he's hot.    

Jonathan, the weather guy.  Um, no.  He's just not that cute and his jokes are super corny.  (okay, I kind of liked the one where it was raining roses, but I didn't tell my friends that.)

Kyle.  Occupation: "outdoorsman."  We assume this means he's homeless.  He's earnest and sweet, but a little off.  

*The guys arrive to meet Ali.  What the hell did the producers of this show do to her?  She's wearing a cheesy ass dress with a back necklace, her make up is all wrong, and they def put some nasty extensions on her.  She looks like *gasp* Vienna.  We cringe when she says she's never felt more beautiful.  

Frank pops out of the limo.  We still love him.  Other hot guys: the twenty-four year old, he's too young, but she should definitely make out with him at least once.  And then there's Roberto....Sigh....Roberto.  He makes all of us and Ali blush.  We cheer when she gives him the first impression rose.  I bitch about the fact that he's the only minority on the show.  Most of these guys look the same.  By the end of the show, Roberto is our fave.   He scores major points for asking Ali questions about herself, something none of the other guys really did.  

We forgive Ali's bad outfit and start liking her more when she gets a little tipsy.  We are mortified when a guy nicknamed Shooter tells her that he got the nickname, because freshman year in college he prematurely ejaculated.  (Spoiler alert: Shooter did not get a rose at the end of this episode).

Frank starts to annoy us.  He's too much of a bachelorette fanboy.  He knows everything about Ali from last season.  He's getting a little creepy.   

Chris L. and her get some alone time and when she asks him if his parents are still together he says yes.  He gets major points for not exploiting the fact that his mother recently died and for waiting to open up to Ali.  

We are split on the guys who give Ali gifts, some of us think it's sweet, some of us think it's pathetic.  We are also split on Craig.  I like his brightly colored suit and sexy mane, but some of the other girls think he's gross.  The guys in the house don't seem to like him much either.  

The shows adds a twist: the guys get to vote on their least fave dude in the house.  The votes are counted and the loser is "Rated R" (the pro wrestler).  Is it the flavor saver on his chin?  The fact that he looks like a sad puppy dog on his crutches?  We don't know, but Ali defies her would be suitors and gives him a rose.

The final rose ceremony.  Ali has to get rid of eight guys.  We can't believe she kept the dorky weather guy who only talks about himself.  We are a little sad she didn't keep the outdoorsman. Homeless guys deserve love too!  We are psyched that the 24 year old, Chris L., Frank, and Craig also received roses.  

We scream throughout the preview for the rest of the season--- it looks like the twenty-four year old makes it pretty far and that there's gonna be some serious drama.  We know it's serious from the sounds of police sirens.

And just like that, we are hooked.  Thanks a lot, ABC!


  1. Well my dear Sara, just so you know, I too watch this show...LIVE! I'm not saying I'm proud. But I do wish I could blow it off....I just can't!

  2. saaaara - another great post and recap! you pretty much nailed my feelings on the first show. i can't help but kinda crush craig "lion's mane" m. he's a typical sarcastic ahole - even more so in episode #2, but for some reason i can't get enough of it. and i absolutely love that he almost brings weatherman to pitiful tears. i guess it's just the 6th grade bully coming out in me.

    i have to say i'm liking ali less and less...her down to earthness doesn't seem effortless, it feels kinda forced. i also had to wonder - is she vicky gunvalson's cousin? i can't stand her "woo's/woohoo's" make it stop.

    can't wait for your next recap!

  3. OMG, Megan and Slim, just finished watching episode two. So crazy. Sigh, I will miss Craig. i thought they'd keep both him and Jonathan around a little longer just for the conflict. More on my feelings on Ali later this week...because, i'm here for Ali.

  4. Wait, you liked it when he made it rain roses? You should have said something. So we could have berated you and made you sit in the corner. P.S. I definitely acknowledged that Roberto is the only minority as well. Viva Latinos!