Wednesday, June 9, 2010

the insulting BLOW OFF

The only thing worse than getting dumped by someone you’re totally and completely into is getting dumped by someone you could give a flying fuck about.

We’ve all been in those relationships. Where you can’t really tell if you’re into the person but you wait it out because they look good on paper or your friends like them. Deep inside, you know they aren’t the one, but it’s companionship, someone to talk to, a person to share a bottle of wine. And just when you think, “I can make this work — after all, it’s better than being single,” they drop the bomb. “I don’t think this is going to work.”

You don’t think this is going to work? You? What about me? I knew from the beginning.

I know. It sounds terrible. And it’s also happened to me exactly like that three times.

I know what you’re thinking. Who makes that kind of mistake three times? Who thinks so highly of themselves that they would actually believe they’re the only one having doubts in the relationship and the other person is completely and totally devoted to making it work.

Me. Guilty.

The first time I stuck around for a dog.

Winston. I loved that thing. His owner refused to trim his bangs so every once in a while he’d go chasing after a bird and run into a chair. Borderline abusive, yes… but cute nonetheless.

I found myself eager to hang out with this guy, but every time I showed up at his house, I offered him a quick peck on the cheek and a half hug on my way to play fetch with the dog, pet the dog, cuddle with the dog.

Let’s face it… I was dating the dog.

The guy was good — cute, smart, funny. But we just didn’t have that click.

I clicked with the dog, though. I wanted that dog. And so, I ignored my gut, and was “completely shocked” a month later when he told me things just weren’t going to work.

“Can I still see the dog?” I asked on my way out the door.

Yeah — didn’t go over too well.

The second time, I stuck around because the guy had a sense of adventure, liked to drop everything at the last minute and get out of town for a weekend and was completely and totally hot.

What can I say — I was smitten.

The excitement wore off about three weeks during a discussion about health care. “I know I should be interested, but I just don’t see how it relates to me,” was the exact quote he used. I tried to get past it. After all, who needs brains when you’ve got beauty?

I need brains. We basically stopped talking. But we kept “hanging out.” I don’t know if it was the trips, the sex, the excitement or the fact that both of my best friends were out of town on business that month, but even when the dates reached a heightened level of boredom I’ve never experienced before or since, I stuck it out.

Apparently I wasn’t all that interesting either… he dumped me, via text.

I was so embarrassed; I took the high road and texted back… “Who is this?”

Not my finest hour.

The third time was the worst. We literally had nothing in common. He knew it, I knew it, and he knew I knew it. But we still hung out. I remember one night I nodded in and out of consciousness on his sofa while he installed a surround sound system. What a romantic. I then spent the night as we alternated between cuddling because it seemed like the right thing to do and trying to pretend like either one of us had a shot in hell of sleeping.

In the morning, when it was clear neither one of us had enjoyed the evening much, we agreed to do it again the following weekend. God I’m smart.

The weekend came, I gave him a ring, no answer. I tried again a few hours later, and then a few hours after that. No answer. Three days later, I got a call. “I came to the conclusion we’re not a good match, but I wasn’t quite sure how to tell. I didn’t want to hurt you so I ignored your calls.”

Wow. I’d officially been blown off by a guy I didn’t even find interesting, only to repeatedly call him out of some need to prove to myself I was worthy of a call back and, in the process, made him think I totally dug him. I’d actually convinced the guy he was going to hurt me by blowing me off.

That did it. That time it stuck. No more chasing men I’m not into just so I could have someone to kick it with.

That’s the month I got Netflix, started hiking again, and toyed around with the idea of getting a Winston of my own. It’s amazing how much you do when you don’t care whether or not you have anyone to do it with.


  1. "Who is this?" HAHAHAHA!!! I love it!

  2. Our hot new contributor, he's hilarious right?

  3. Ha! I appreciate the thesis: "The only thing worse than getting dumped by someone you’re totally and completely into is getting dumped by someone you could give a flying fuck about."

    OK, so I get over the latter much more quickly, but I was wondering why recently I was so upset about this guy "dumping" me (we weren't even in a relationship) by ignoring me.

    I was going to give him a chance, talk to him about my doubts, and if necessary just tell him I didn't think it would work. I didn't want to leave him in the dark. Then he did that very thing to me!

    Incidentally, why do people think it hurts less when they ignore you? For me that liminal space is the worst. If it's over, at least I know and can begin to get over it.