Thursday, June 10, 2010

Sex and the Shitty: a BLOW OFF film review

Crazy thing happened at the gym a couple days ago.  I was just working out, minding my own business, when I spotted Michael Patrick King chillin' on the elliptical.  I decided that I could use the leg work and grabbed the machine next to him, then promptly tried to eavesdrop on the conversation he was having with his work out buddy (who I think may have been a former SATC writer...)  Then, I kid you not--- Jodie Foster walks over to say hello to them.  At this point, I basically fell to the floor from my star struck haze.  They were like "hey Jode!" and she was like "hey guys!" She congratulated MPK, but admitted she hadn't seen the movie yet.  I almost interjected and said "Jode, catch it on demand" but instead, I just kept pretending to listen to my Ipod.

I wanted to like Sex and the City 2 so bad.   I drank two cosmos as planned, I came with an open mind and a large group of girlfriends: what could go wrong?  Oh, so much.......

The movie did have some great moments that reminded me why I loved the series (stand outs: Carrie walking into her old apartment to write, Charlotte crying in the pantry from mom-stress, Miranda and Charlotte commiserating about how hard it is to raise kids, Carrie and Aidan seeing each other in Abu Dhabi, etc)  And I actually enjoyed the mundane conflicts between Carrie and Big (I'm so the girl that would be annoyed in the middle of the night after waking up to turn the TV off).  Those are the everyday things you have to deal with in a relationship.  But I had some big issues with the rest of it.   Here were my top ten gripes (don't read if you haven't seen the movie and are planning to):

10.  There was virtually no conflict in the movie and when there was conflict it felt contrived.  Big putting a television in the bedroom could have been a great plot point in a 25 minute episode of the show, but didn't make for enough tension for a 150 minute movie.  

9.  Not enough Aidan.  Apparently, in SATC 2 a kiss really is just a kiss.  Let's not forget that Carrie and Big both have a history of cheating.  It could have been so much more interesting if MPK resurrected their infidelity habits and explored the "once a cheater, always a cheater" issue.  Especially considering what Miranda went through in the first movie.  I would have liked Carrie and Aidan to at least have a little almost sex.

8.  And apparently, when you do kiss another dude, you get rewarded for it with a big fat black diamond ring.  Dude, if Carrie gave Aidan a BJ, she could have gotten a lifetime supply of Manolo's!

7.  Miranda had virtually no story line and while I actually related to the fact that she opted to quit her job, it would have been nice to see her tell off her boss on camera.  I guess that ended up on the cutting room floor to make room for the terrible karaoke scene of the ladies singing "I am Woman."  I would have preferred some Rihanna.  

6.  When the series was funny, it was smart funny.  Slo-mo shots of the nanny's boobies and the menopause jokes were super played out by the time the credits rolled.  

5.  Yofranny was right!  Carrie does have narcissistic personality disorder.  She had to interrupt Charlotte and Miranda's heart to heart and Samantha's bath just to talk about her kiss with Aidan? Dude, Carrie.  Shut the fuck up.

4.  I'm a middle easterner who's not easily offended and has my own issues with the Islamic religion (particularly because I find it to be oppressive to women), but I was offended by this movie.  SATC was groundbreaking in its time, and while its commentary on the sexes through the years was great, its political commentary in this movie was pretty insensitive.  Yes, I get it, it's hard to eat french fries while you're wearing a burka, but do you really need to throw in a shot of a giant erection in the foreground and an appalled muslim couple in the background? And the Muslim women tearing off their burka's to flaunt their designer clothing was ridiculous.  The only character with any depth in Abu Dhabi was Carrie's butler and as it turned out, he was from India.

3.  Not enough sex!  There were only two sex scenes in the whole movie with Samantha and if I remember correctly, both were blocked the same way.  Why not a scene of Charlotte and Harry trying to have sex, while the kids are crying?  Or Carrie and Big having hot make up sex?  

2.  I'm all for a little escapism in the midst of an economic crisis, but the opulence in the movie felt tacky by the end.  Do the girls really need to change their outfits three times in one scene where they're riding camels?  Why does Carrie wear cocktail dresses and high heels on a random weeknight at home (I'm over you Pat Fields.)  Why do they each need their own butler and their own luxury car when they get to Abu Dhabi?  And why the fuck is the tension in the third act really RE: whether the girls will make it in time to the airport--- not so they won't miss their flight--- but so they won't be bumped from first class?

1.  What I really wanted to ask MPK on the elliptical was whether he'd consulted or collaborated with the team of writers he had during the series while penning the sequel.  That's the great thing about TV: there's a writer's room with a breadth of experiences and ideas.  My guess is, he totally blew them off.  I hope next time they bring back the female voices, because without them I felt like the authenticity factor was completely absent.  

Okay, I'm done bitching.  Hopefully, the silver lining here is that they'll have to make a third installment of the movie to make up for the crappiness of the sequel.   Cause note to MPK and SJP: we don't care what the ladies are wearing, we care about what they're thinking and feeling.  And oh yeah, we care about who they're fucking.  

1 comment:

  1. Word. I agree with everything you said! We just have to watch and re-watch and re-watch the series to erase the memory of this awful movie.

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