Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Glossary of a BLOW OFF: klingons

Klingons (or cling-ons)
Function: plural noun
Origin: the 60s on Star Trek, but they've pretty much always been around.
Definition: Those annoying couples that just can't keep their hands off each other. EVER.

(I really don't want to go out with Bob and Brenda by myself. They are total klingons and being around them makes me feel even shittier about being single.)

We've all been friends with this couple. They think the measure of how much two people love each other = how much they kiss, hug, touch, whisper to each other in public. They scoff at people (like me) who roll their eyes at overt public displays of affection. They make everything and everyone around them slightly uncomfortable. Being their third wheel is like a fucking nightmare.

I am so adamantly against being one part of a Klingon that I'm sure I've accidentally hurt my bf's feelings on more than a few occasions when he's tried to get up on me in public. It's not because I don't want to make out with him, it's because I don't want our make out session to traumatize anyone (particularly single peeps) in the near vicinity. I remember how I felt about couples when I was single and I just can't shake that memory. I've been like this since high school when my then bf would literally lick my neck while my friends were trying to have a conversation with me. It was way over the top and it felt like he was trying to mark his territory. I can't say I've never engaged in PDA, but sometimes I do it b/c I worry that people will mistake a lack of PDA for a lack of love. It's just that I much prefer private displays of affection and subtle public displays. I mean, I can barely even handle Facebook PDA's. I totally understand that urge to shout your love from the internet rooftops or flaunt it in a bar in front of all your friends, but how about we all agree to just tone it down a little? Look on the bright side, all that pent up sexual tension will go a long way once you're all alone....bow chica bow wow...

1 comment:

  1. i admit i've been hugely guilty of PDAing in the past, and used to totally get off on it. but the last time i made out at a bar i just felt really dumb. we're too old!

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