Friday, July 30, 2010

the junior high BLOW OFF

So, Ellen Degeneres is leaving American Idol after one season, because she basically couldn't deal with not being the most popular girl in school. And I get it, she kind of sucked as a judge. But now that she's jumped ship, I kind of feel bad for her, 'cause I can sort of relate to Ellen---- I went through the same thing at a place way worse than American Idol. JUNIOR HIGH.

I was so good at grade school. I had a lot of friends, only a few zits, and I was student body President. I even had a boyfriend. Life was good. Life was great. But it all came crashing down when I started seventh grade. I ended up going to a different junior high than my grade school friends, because their junior high didn't feed into the high school my sister was attending. And I wanted to be just like my sister. (Still do, what up!) I figured it would be easier to make the transition as "new girl" early, so that once I got to high school, I'd be bonded with all my new classmates.

Well, that turned out to be a giant mistake. I went from being super cool to dorky outcast at my new junior high school. Suddenly, my color coordinated Gap Kids outfits weren't a hit. (Matching plaid blazer, matching headband. I was the Blair Waldorf of my generation and so ahead of my time). I had also grown a uni-brow over summer vacation and had a lot more zits. My parents actually had a rule that uni-brows couldn't be plucked till the age of fifteen. I guess it was some weird Iranian rite of passage, but I think it was actually their sure proof way of making sure we stayed virgins (and it worked).

Anyway, my only other friend was also Iranian so we sported uni's together. But she wasn't in any of my classes and we barely got to see each other. Then, I made friends in my art class with this guy that was mentally handicapped who decided to follow me around every single day. I wouldn't have a problem with this now, but full disclosure: when you're 12, have a uni-brow, zits, a wardrobe from Gap Kids (mainly because you can't fit into the clothes at the regular gap), and a mentally handicapped boy thinks you're dating, it's not exactly the best way to acclimate with other junior high school kids.

I came home and cried every day for a week and told my mom how much I missed my friends at my old school. When week two of school started, I got called into the principal's office and my mom was there...they told me to clean out my locker and return all my textbooks...I was being transferred to the other junior high. I was kind of shocked. Yes, I was one move away from gassing myself in the garage, but I didn't actually think my mom would switch me out of school when I hadn't asked her to. I felt a little guilty. Was I blowing off this school too soon? Should I have been sticking it out longer? Especially after going through all of 6th grade bragging about going to a cooler junior high than everyone else? I was a total failure. I went from class to class returning my text books during third period. My math teacher had 8th graders during third and when I walked in they all started chanting "SEVY, SEVY, SEVY!!!!" (The derogatory term for seventh grader). I was mortified and so happy I was getting the fuck out of there.

Things didn't exactly get easier at the other junior high. After being there for a week, my best friend from 6th grade picked a fight with me, started crying, and said I'd been a bitch to her since I got there. I swear I hadn't. And somehow, she'd already become best friends with the rest of the school, so I became known as "the girl who made Sally cry." To make matters worse, Sally and I lived near each other and her mom gave me a ride home everyday. After our fight, I had to start taking the bus. Sally and I eventually made up, but we were never best friends again. I didn't realize that my problem wasn't the junior high I went to---- it was that junior high kids are fucking assholes. Eighth grade wasn't much better. I had a perpetual zit on my forehead and all the guys said I was married to Gandhi. Let me rephrase, junior high kids are racist fucking assholes.

So, my experience is a lot like Ellen on American Idol. She went from being a fan fave on her own talk show, to being the new kid on a singing competition who no one really cared about. The only difference between what she went through and what I went through is that no one paid me millions of dollars to go to 7th grade. Cry me a river, Degeneres, cry me a river.


  1. This story is true. I remember when you showed up in my 7th grade core class. Your Indian friend Shawn would have stood up for you if you told me they called you Gandhi's wife. Racists. I'm offended.