Thursday, July 15, 2010

one man's BLOW OFF is another man's treasure

This is a story of how a little bad timing and stupidity can ruin a perfectly good make out session (and years of unrequited love).

It all started a few months before I moved to New York after college. As luck would have it, I met the "perfect guy" right before my move. He was quirky, sweet, and liked bad reality TV--- basically, everything a girl wants in a boy. He was also slightly neurotic and emotionally closed off, but whatevs. Despite his tendency to keep me at a safe distance, because I was moving, the relationship was good enough that I was seriously bummed to be leaving. We both agreed an LDR was a bad idea, but we did stay in regular contact my first few months in the NYC.

When Thanksgiving came along, I was between jobs, so I took an extended trip home. He picked me up from the airport with flowers and a mixed CD...for a split second, it was like I'd never left. But over the course of my trip, things were different. The physical affection was waning. Anytime we hung out, he'd bring his best friend along. He seemed even more emotionally freaked out than he normally did. It was awkward being in this in between phase of not dating, but not being totally platonic either. I chalked it up to him not wanting to get hurt since I lived in NY, but in hindsight the dude just wasn't into me. This became the first of the many experiences that coined his nickname "wally lame." (and I'm sure will inspire a few more blow off posts like this one.)

Anyway, acknowledging his disinterest just makes me kick myself even more when I think about the guy who actually wanted to hang out with me everyday, while I was home. "Samson" from high school. The guy I was madly in love with for years, but never got to date...

This is how it all went down. I was hanging out with Wally Lame in Berkeley, but to play it cool, I made plans to hang out with my best friend later that night in San Jose. Wally Lame dropped me off at the BART station and my bestie picked me up to go out on the town in our pathetic little suburb. On the way to the bar, we went into analysis mode on Wally. Why was he acting so distant? Duh, we thought, he's just so in love with me that it hurts to be around me. God, we were dumb. As we continued to take our psycho-analysis to the bar, my bestie suddenly looked like she was going to faint. She whispered to me "Samson is right next to you." I turned to look and sure enough there he was (now with short hair) ordering a gin and tonic, just like me! I hadn't seen him in a few years, although he always had a strange way of popping in and out of my life. The second he saw me, his face broke into a huge smile (I'm not making that up, I swear). We started catching up, I asked him about his girlfriend who he lived with and he said they'd broken up a few months ago. And then he said, I kid you not "stay away from red heads" which was seriously apropos since Wally Lame was a red head.

The rest of the night was like a fantasy for the 16 year old in me. Samson proceeded to tell me that he was in idiot in high school and that he always had feelings for me. He remembered little details about me (my horoscope sign, the time I was so mad at him, because he called me ordinary, how he totally bailed on me at junior prom) Thank the heavens I wasn't wrapped up enough in Wally Lame to let this opportunity pass me by. So, for the first time after knowing the guy for seven years, Samson and I had our first and only make out session. When he found out I was going to be home for almost two weeks, he got my number and promised he would call.

He called every day. He called more than Wally Lame called. And you know what I did? I avoided him! I made any excuse I could think of not to see him. I was actually annoyed when I checked my caller ID and saw it was him calling instead of the red head I should have been staying away from. I totally blew him off, while I was in the process of getting blown off.

To this day, when I look back on that time, I'm still mad at myself. Yes, there was zero long term potential with a guy like Samson, but after all those years of thinking about him every time I listened to "It Ain't Me, Babe" by Bob Dylan, I opted to BLOW him OFF when he was finally saying: It is me, babe. Why? Cause I was too messed up over the other guy who was saying "It ain't me" loud and clear.

1 comment:

  1. This post is at once hilarious, heart-breaking, and utterly relateable.

    It's so funny how we can be so smitten with someone in one instance, then be turned off in another. God, we can be so unpredictable, fickle and complicated.