Thursday, August 26, 2010

the chicks before dicks BLOW OFF

There are two types of women in this world: those who abandon their friends when they're in a relationship and those who don't. Most of us fit in both categories depending on the day...

That said, I've got a lot of beef with girls that tend to abandon their friends more often than not. For awhile, I felt like I was always the dependable single friend that nursed my besties through break ups and then stopped hearing from them once they met their next boyfriend. Then there would be another break up and the cycle would continue...I've always made a concerted effort not to be "that girl."

My high school BF and I would get into fights all the time, because he felt like I spent more time at my best friend's house who lived across the street from him. But before he and I dated I hung out with her all the time and I didn't feel right about ditching her...especially since she was missing her high school exchange student boyfriend who'd moved back to Germany.

In college, I met a guy I really liked two months before I moved to New York. I thought our lack of time together justified spending less time with my friends. One day he was off shooting a documentary and I had an entire day to kill. My only friend from school who'd stayed in Berkeley for the summer wasn't around, so I hung out in a cafe and went to a movie by myself. When I saw her that evening and found out she was actually free all day, I made the mistake of telling her that the BF was indisposed and if I had known she was available, we could have hung out. She interpreted that to mean I was only free to spend time with her if my boyfriend was busy and was understandably pissed. And she should have been. I was "that girl"! But then she called me co-dependent and the gloves came off.

Then, three years later that college BF was living in NY and we were in this weird middle ground between dating and being friends. We had plans to go to dinner one night, but I felt bad about leaving my roommate home because she was going through a really bad break up. I insisted that she come with us in my quest to refrain from being "that girl." She finally agreed and the three of us spent that night discussing the upsetting details of her break up. A month later, when the college BF finally ended our weird middle ground and told me we should just be friends--- he referenced that night as his wake up call. Apparently, dissecting my friend's break up had put him in panic mode and made him realize he wasn't ready for something serious. Maybe that night I had been "that girl" and left my roommate at home...especially since I'd spent a lot of lonely nights there when she was still in a relationship.

At the end of the day, we're all guilty of spending less time with our friends when we're in a relationship and that's why we have to be understanding when our friends do it to us. We can't get mad at them every time they'd rather be with a boy, but it's also wrong to fall completely off the map only to come crawling back when our dicks have left us for other chicks.

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