Monday, August 9, 2010

the man cave BLOW OFF

When the bf and I found our apartment on Craig's List, the guest room was "affectionately called the tree house room." That's because the large windows are surrounded by trees. The room is adorable. But since we've moved into the apartment, it's the BF's man cave. Although he swears he never calls it that.

The man cave is the straight guy's sanctuary. Apparently, when you're living with your wife or girlfriend, you have to have a space where you can do man stuff....otherwise, you may risk turning into a girl. Guys are so serious about their man caves, you'd think they're hiding Osama Bin Laden in them.

As you can probably tell, I kind of resent the whole man cave set up, but it's not because I'm opposed to couples having alone time. The best advice anyone ever gave me about moving in together was that you have to learn to be alone in your own space. Living together does not mean a 24/7 snuggle fest on the couch. But I like things to be fair...., the other day I made the mistake of telling my bf I'd be writing about man caves on the blow off and posing the question "why do you get a man cave when I don't get a girl cave?"

Here are the top five reasons my bf and his friends gave.

1. The rest of the apartment is the girl cave. In other words, since the girl most likely played interior designer, the boy needs his own room to escape all the Anthropologie.

But as I write this, I'm sitting on my bf's couch, with my feet up on my bf's coffee table. In fact, most of the stuff in our apartment is his. That said, he has great taste, so this isn't a bad thing. (Also, I won the battle of getting my bedroom furniture in the master bedroom. And, full disclosure...the bedroom closet and dresser are full of my clothes. But other than that our bedroom is very much neutral territory.) Even though I'm not a total girly girl with decor, this argument had some weight to it.

2. Would I rather have his shit all over the apartment? Because that's what would happen if he didn't have the guest room to himself.

No, I wouldn't rather have his shit all over the apartment. And big shout out to the bf, because he's a lot tidier than most guys I've known. But, our apartment is still cleaner than the one he lived in before and I think I get some of the kudos on that one (As does our once a month splurge on a housekeeper). But I guess it's true, I'd be less offended by the man cave if it was clean.

3. I do have a girl cave. My office.

Hmmm. My office is more of a nook that doubles as a storage space for our dvds and video games. Plus, the man cave is ten times the size.

4. It's not a man cave. I never called it a man cave. You can use that room whenever you want.

No comment.

5. Just tell me whatever makes you happy and I'll do it.

This usually happens when you drive a guy crazy enough that they opt to play martyr and make you feel like you always get your way and this is yet another time where that's happening. This is of course the smartest form of reverse psychology. Cause I respond with "Babe, you can have your man cave. I'm sorry."

I guess I don't know why I hate the man cave so much. Is it that while I fully support alone time, the notion of him needing an entire room to escape to actually does hurt my feelings? Is it because I'm just jealous and want a beautiful tree house room to myself too? I mean, even Virginia Woolf wrote a book about us ladies needing a room of our own. Is it because I resent societal pressures that "cool girls" never speak ill of the man cave? Or is it just that sometimes I feel like being an uppity bitch and pushing his buttons?

At the end of the day (and at the end of our debate) I backed off on the man cave. He can have it. After all, the pros of living together far outweigh the cons. That said, I can't promise I won't hide potpourri under the bed or sneak in during the day with my laptop and collection of Sex and the City dvds.


  1. At least he doesn't have bobbleheads?

  2. haha, I liked the bobble heads. I think we actually need to liven up his man cave like yours.

  3. Love it! Even though I have a girl cave I soooo wish my bf had a man cave so he'd put all his crap in it and i wouldn't have to straighten it up and move it around all the time :)

  4. Wait a minute... THAT'S MY ROOM!!!

  5. LOL, kayoko. That's right, i forgot to add that! how dare he have a man cave when my bff is supposed to live there!!!