Wednesday, September 1, 2010

the BLOW OFF diet

Call me the next Robert Atkins...cause I've just come up with a genius new fad diet. Getting blown off! Seriously, after a bad break up, most of us are so distraught, we can barely eat and go down at least one dress size. If that's not a silver lining, I don't know what is. So, looking to lose a few pounds? Then lose your boyfriend.

Okay, just kidding. Eating disorders are bad, blah blah blah. But let's face it, looking hot after a blow off is kind of the best revenge. I mean, do you think Jennifer Aniston would be that fit if it wasn't for her string of crappy relationships? No. If her and Brad Pitt were still together, she'd totally have a muffin top. And I don't know about you guys, but I'd much rather have a flat abs and no boyfriend VS a pooch and the love of my life. I kid, I kid.

For reals though, sometimes a forced blow off diet can motivate us to make changes for the better. Sadly for me, my favorite post break up threesome includes the men Ben & Jerry. But there's nothing like a little exercise to get aggression out, so why not off set the Chubby Hubby habit with a little help from a kettle bell?

I'm also a big believer in one tried and true break up cure: changing your hair. I got the best haircut ever after a blow off. I also recommend changing your scent. The olfactory bulb can cause serious flashbacks of happier times. So...consider bidding good bye to your shampoo, perfume, or body lotion. I once emptied an entire bottle of Victoria's Secret Pear Glace body spray after I got dumped. Or for an even more drastic change...move to a new city. My sister moved to New York after a big break up and scored a job at Google before they IPO'd. (Suck on that, Slim's ex bf.)

And, with all that extra time you're getting back as a single person, throw in some physical activity for good measure. Stalk your ex on foot instead of with your car, have (safe) sex with a lot of anonymous men or women, take up kick boxing and pretend the bag is his nut sack. A new wardrobe never hurt nobody either. Yes, it felt good to be in his arms, but you know what else feels good? Being caressed by Marc Jacobs.

Either way, if you're looking to shed some weight or shed some baggage, the blow off diet* might just be for you.

*Please consult your doctor first to see if the BLOW OFF diet is for you.

2 comments:

  1. This is so funny! So what do you recommend to a married woman after 36 years of marriage Dr. Saaara? Having an affair!!! ha ha ha

    ReplyDelete
  2. Noooo! Mom, please don't have an affair.

    ReplyDelete