Wednesday, October 20, 2010

the "I like chicks" BLOW OFF

It's been a bad couple of weeks for celebrity marriages what with Cameron Crowe/Nancy Wilson, Courtney Cox/David Arquette, Ben Harper/Laura Dern, and Christina/Jordan Bratman all announcing their break ups at the same time...but it appears only one of these couples is calling it quits, because of girl on girl action.

Maybe it's just a rumor, but I'm buying into it. I think part of the reason Christina Aguilera blew off her marriage is because she's madly in love with Samantha Ronson. I know what you're thinking, what is this going to mean for Lindsay Lohan's recovery?

I don't know. But let's all take a deep breath and calm down. We shouldn't be thinking about Lindsay at a time like this, we should be thinking about Jordan Bratman.

I mean, back in the day, word was that one of the things Xtina loved about her hubby was that he was well endowed...and now she's saying no to the peen all together?

The only explanation is that Samantha Ronson has special powers. Lohan pretty much had a mental collapse when she dumped her. And now, her seduction skills have potentially earned her the label of home wrecker. What is this girl's secret?

Regardless, this wouldn't be the first time a marriage collapsed, because one half of the couple realized they were gay (or may be in this case just happened to fall for someone of the same sex.) But it's still gotta suck. I for one blame the Christian right. If conservatives and evangelicals could just stop bitching about homosexuality, then maybe less people would feel pressured to lie about being gay.

For example, I have a friend from college who's now married with two kids and I'm 90% positive he's gay. And before you harp on me for stereotyping, more than a few gay men thought the exact same thing. (In fact, they described him as "flaming.") So, either we're all completely off base or he'll eventually leave his wife for another man or live in denial forever. Who knows.

Then again, the "I'm blowing you off, because I'm gay" BLOW OFF might actually be slightly comforting. I had a huge crush on a guy in high school, but he never liked me back. Years later, I found out he was only into dudes! Yes! Surely that was the only reason he rejected me.

Anyway, whatever turns out to be true about Xtina, one thing is for certain...Men, keep your girlfriends as far away from Samantha Ronson as possible. Seriously, that girl could turn Taylor Swift into a carpet muncher.

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