Tuesday, October 26, 2010

making amends for a BLOW OFF

Another great post from one of our loyal readers: The other night I had dinner with a very special person; my ex-boyfriend. He was my first serious relationship and the first person I lost my virginity to. He was also the first and only guy that I ever really blew off. We broke up nine years ago this month - mainly because I was an idiot. Back then I had some serious self esteem issues. As Groucho Marx once put it, I didn't want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member. I was desperate to prove my own worth - but only to people who were never really capable of seeing it.

For some strange reason that I just could not understand, my ex thought I was practically perfect, so of course I decided he was a loser. I laid into his short comings time and time again until finally I pushed him away for good, but not before convincing him to give up something he truly loved: his long hair. My ex took major pride in his straight, black locks which he'd been grooming ever since childhood. I never understood his love for long hair and thought it made him look effeminate due to the fact that he was somewhat vertically challenged. For months he brushed off my disdain until one day I finally broke up with him. Then he cut it. He tried to claim it had nothing to do with me, but I always knew he chopped off his beloved locks in an attempt to win me back. Sadly, it didn't work.

Earlier this year, I started talking about my ex with my current boyfriend. I confessed how badly I felt about the way I'd treated him and wished out loud that I could some how make amends. My boyfriend suggested that I reach out to my ex but sadly no amount of cyber stalking helped me find him on the internet. Then a couple months ago I was back east for a funeral when sure enough I ran into my ex on the street. As luck would have it, he was standing on the sidewalk outside of an Apple Store with his new bride. They had gotten married two days before and were supposed to have left on their honeymoon that morning but their flight had been canceled so they randomly decided to go shopping on the other side of town. I introduced myself to his beautiful bride and gave them both a congratulatory hug. It was not the time or place to get into my list of regrets but I was able to look my ex in the eye and tell him how fantastic he looked and how truly happy I was for him. Before I walked away he slipped me his business card and I pondered whether or not it was appropriate to write him an apology email so close to his nuptials.

I decided to wait a couple weeks and then composed a letter congratulating him for finding true love and acknowledged how much he had meant to me and how sorry I was for the way I behaved. A couple days later he wrote me back saying he would be out in LA for a conference in October and asked if we could have dinner.

We finally met up the other night and had a fabulous time together. It was funny, awkward, comfortable and rewarding all at the same time. I got my chance to apologize face to face and gave him a great deal of satisfaction by sharing all the things I remembered and appreciated about him during our time together. He was gracious, flattered and totally forgiving. We made a pact to remain in touch and I truly hope we do. But regardless of whether or not that actually happens it feels so good to have given the gift that anyone who's ever been blown off deserves - amends and acknowledgment. Not everyone's going to get it - but if you ever get the chance to give it, I highly recommend doing so.

-- A reformed blower offer

1 comment:

  1. There are definitely a few people I'd like to make amends to and a few people that need to call me up and make amends :) Thanks guest reader!!

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