Thursday, October 21, 2010


I'm hijacking one of my sister's BLOW OFF stories today, but this one is too good not to share. It all started when we were both home from New York for the holidays. My sister gets a call from the NYPD telling her that her apartment in the east village had been robbed. This sucks on so many levels, but it sucked even more that we were thousands of miles away and couldn't assess the damage right away.

We got back to New York and sure enough her apartment looked like a crime scene. Whoever had robbed her had done a thorough job of emptying out drawers and cupboards in their search for valuables. I can't remember what actually got stolen, but I think a nice camera among other things. She was understandably nervous about living alone in a place that had been ransacked.

A few days later, she called me frantic. Someone had rang her buzzer claiming they were a cop, but she was scared that they were lying and it could actually be a robber in disguise. We're both slightly paranoid as it is, but I tried to play it cool and tell her I was sure the guy was truly NYPD, but just in case she should keep her phone by her and leave the door wide open. I also told her to call me right away after he left.

Fifteen minutes later, she calls me cracking up. It turns out it was a cop...and the reason he showed up was to ask her out on a date. Apparently, while he was in her apartment filing the police report, he saw pictures of her, realized she was hot, and decided to come back to the apartment and ask her out. I'm sure this already seriously breaks protocol, and while my sister wasn't all that attracted to him, she thought the situation was too funny not to agree to the date. I mean, that's the kind of meet cute that only happens in romantic comedies, people.

So, she makes plans for him to meet her out one night for a drink, but get this--- she brings me with her. I think she kept it casual with the guy and forewarned him that she was already hanging out with his sister, but either way, I'm sure it wasn't what he had in mind for a first date.

Mr. NYPD was perfectly nice. We sat in a booth at Odessa and they had their awkward first date conversations, while I piped in here and there. My sister used her trump card which was that she was planning a move back to California (later, this was the reason she gave him about why she didn't want to get involved.) Then, the conversation took a more interesting turn. I started asking NYPD to tell us some crazy cop stories. He told us a few tame ones and then he mentioned a domestic violence case he had where the husband had beaten his pregnant wife. Obviously, this guy was the scum of the earth, but the story kind of takes a turn for the worse. Apparently, the guy's wife didn't want to press, NYPD tells us the cops all went into the bedroom with the husband, locked the door, and proceeded to beat the shit out of him. They told him if they ever got another call from the house again, they'd fucking kill him.

WTF?! Yes, granted the wife beater totally had it coming and we all know corrupt cops exist, but my sister and I were totally freaked out by the cavalier way NYPD recounted the details. The whole thing was just a little too violent for us. Plus, what other corrupt things was he doing on the job (aside from showing up at a victim's apartment and asking her out.) Needless to say, there was never another date between my sister and NYPD (and me).

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