Tuesday, November 16, 2010

the BLOW OFF: celebrity couple flashback

Get in your time machines everyone, we're going back to...1990....

The year Johnny Depp & Winona Ryder were engaged and madly in love. God, pasty looked SO much cooler on them than it does on boring Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.

In case you're twelve or did a lot of drugs in the early 90s, here's their love story in a nutshell.

Like the way all good celebrity relationships begin, they met at an event, locked eyes across the room, and it was like love at first sight (well, if you didn't count the fact that they already knew who each other were, cause they were FAMOUS.) Unfortunately, Johnny Depp was like the male Kate Hudson of his time. He'd already been engaged twice--- once to Sherilyn Fenn (who? Um, netflix Boxing Helena or Twin Peaks) and Jennifer Grey (see Dancing with the Stars). But he never really knew love until he met Winona so he put a ring on it--- again.

BTW, Winona was 19 at the time. That's younger than Taylor Swift, folks.

This relationship started the unfortunate trend of getting a person's name tattooed on your body. Johnny famously had "winona forever" inked on his arm. Little did he know, it should have said "winona, give or take three years."

Once they parted ways, he changed the tat to "wino forever" and then went on to seriously win their break up. The guy has been labeled the biggest movie star in the world, but Winona loved him even when he was still doing 21 Jump Street. We all know what happened to her. She became an insomniac pill popper with an affinity for stealing. But I don't care, she's still a 90s icon and I can't wait for her to make a comeback this year.

Winona. Forever.

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