Tuesday, November 30, 2010

the online dating dilemma

Internet dating has been around for 15+ years now. There are multiple websites (Match, E-Harmony, OK Cupid, J-Date, etc), multiple members, and multiple marriages that credit their unions to the advent of profile pages. So, why is there still a stigma? Why does it feel so much more respectable to meet someone in a stinky bar twenty minutes before last call?

I blame the “Meet-Cute”: the scene in a romantic comedy when a couple crosses paths for the first time. It’s always under some hilarious circumstances with a healthy dose of flirty banter and sexual tension. And it’s conditioned us all to expect a romantic run in with our future spouse that we’ll recount to our grandkids. We’re obsessed with the “story” and “we met online” just doesn’t have much of a ring to it. I say, fuck that. Aren’t we way past expecting relationships to play out the way they do in movies?

Okay, I know what you’re thinking. Easy for you to say Saaara, you’re in a relationship and you’ve never joined an online dating service in your life. This is true. BUT if for some reason I became single tomorrow, after the proper mourning period and a bevy of angry BLOW OFF posts, I’d start online dating. I swear.

Here’s why. I’m the type of person that likes to make things happen. I can’t sit around idly and hope that someone knocks on the door with my dream job or a free house. I’m a go-getter. I also value my time. Who wants to find out three dates in that a guy loves Jesus? Think of all the time and energy you’d save learning that in their dating profile? Also, people with significant others no longer enjoy being wingmen. We all claim we do, but the best part of not being single is not have to go to bars and talk to randoms. I’m fiercely independent and wouldn’t want to rely on my girlfriends to chaperone me while I’m on the prowl. Finally, there’s nothing worse than meeting someone perfect and then finding out they’re not ready to date cause they just got out of a five year relationship two weeks ago. Chances are…if they’ve filled out a dating profile, they’re ready to dive right in.

Also, you know how Elisabeth Hasselbeck always says on The View that just because a teenaged girl decides to have sex, it doesn’t mean she has to keep having sex? Well, the same goes for online dating! Just because you tried it once doesn’t mean you have to do it from now on. If it’s not for you, you can delete your profile and never attempt it again.

Yet most of the people I know that are single have the same point of view RE: online dating. They’re not ready to go there….like it should be the last desperate straw to meeting someone…like you shouldn’t even attempt it unless the last person you went out with tried to murder you and eat you for dinner. Well, I think we need to stop the insanity. Cause there’s nothing more romantic and honest than people who admit they want to meet someone. And those people are all online dating.


  1. From someone who's done the online thing... Actually, it's not really true that someone who is on an online dating site and filled out a profile is quite ready to date. There are PLENTY out there who are bleeding from the last relationship in that online pool and will freak out once things turn from anything more than an email. ALSO not true that someone you met online won't try to murder you and eat you for dinner. In fact, the propensity might be higher online...

    HOWEVER - so very true that the online thing increases the pool, and you at, the very least, know what someone is there for. If they are asking you out, you know it's not because they want to be your friend and nothing more. What else they want is another question... but at least it'll be somewhere in the realm of dating...

  2. OMG, such good points absurdcafegirl! So true that there are probably still tons of people with baggage online dating. and that they're actually not ready for a serious relationship.

    Also, note to readers: please don't get murdered and eaten for dinner by your online date. I will never be able to live with myself.

    Kayoko, i am so excited.