Wednesday, December 8, 2010

the BLOW OFF pick me up

So, you're going through a break up and it SUCKS. We feel your pain. And that's why we at the BLOW OFF have compiled a top ten list of things you can do to make yourself feel a little better. Consider it your "I've been dumped" to do list. If you do everything on this list and it doesn't make you feel a teensy bit less sad, then...we've got nothing.

10. Swallow your pride and call those friends you've been ignoring for the past however many months. There's a slight chance they still want to hang out with you. Organize a girls or boys night out, get drunk, dance, kiss someone, and karaoke to Heartbreaker by Pat Benetar.

9. If you're a girl, download and listen to Ani Difranco's Dilate until you have every lyric memorized. If you're a guy, download and listen to NWA's Straight out of Compton until you have every lyric memorized. On second thought, everyone should buy both albums and do a mash up. Then, watch every single episode of Felicity.

8. Masturbate. And think about your ex's best friend the whole time.

7. Change your appearance enough that if you run into your ex, you give them the illusion that you've moved on. If you've got a beard--- shave it. If you don't have a beard--- grow one. If you have long hair--- cut it. If you have short hair--- dye it.

6. Skip the self help section at the book store and read the BLOW OFF. Or just send us your break up story to
(what? we're not above blatant self promotion. And at least we didn't put this as #1)

5. Cleanse your "palate" and sleep with someone else. Warning: this might actually make you feel worse for a period of time, BUT remember: your ex has probably slept with someone else by now too.

4. It sounds cheesy, but write your ex a letter of everything you want to say to them and can't. Then sleep with it under your pillow for seventeen days. On the eighteenth day, you will be completely over them.

3. Get rid of everything and anything that reminds you of the ex. We're talking photos, mixed CDs, jewelry, clothing, ticket stubs--- whatever perfume or cologne you wore while dating them. If you're not ready to burn everything yet...then stop being such a pussy and man up. Or just throw everything in a box and put it under your bed.

2. Exercise. Not only will it make you look hot, but it'll get some of the pent up aggression out. And we're not talking yoga on a hilltop. We're talking high intensity kickboxing, fencing, wrestling, and synchronized swimming.

1. Delete them from your phone and your Facebook page (including any friends you may have added through them). Then, friend request the one that got away and cyber flirt your little heart out. It might sound juvenile, but trust us, you don't want to keep tabs on your ex. Only celebrities should have to deal with seeing pictures of their old love in the arms of someone new--- cause those a-holes get paid millions to endure the pain.

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