Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The BLOW OFF that Won't Blow You Off

So I was dating this guy who was terrible for me, chock full of baggage, but you know, it was super passionate, and the drama was intoxicating. After 8 grueling months of woo-ing me with romantic get-aways and texts filled with "xoxos", then going days without contacting me, he finally made up my mind for me, telling me, "I'm not good for you, you shouldn't be with someone like me." Quick aside - thanks for telling me how smart I am, Guy, but not giving me the credit to be smart enough to make major life choices for myself...sheesh!

Anywho, so post break up, I'm dying inside of course, and he will not leave me the fuck alone! He texts me constantly to "see if I'm okay", wants to grab drinks and dinner, calls me at work, and, here's the kicker.....tries to buy me a fucking TV! Are you kidding me? What says, "forget all about me and the way that I tortured you" like a shiny new TV that stares back at you constantly. I refused, accused him of doing it out of guilt, and he left a wrapped toaster oven on my doorstep instead. It goes on. He invited me to install Google Latitude on my phone. I ignorantly did, since I was at the point of doing anything he wanted just to have glimpse of him, and it turned out to be none other than a location based tracking device. "Listen, I don't want to date you, but I would like to know where you are at all times - is that cool?" NO, Guy!

After professing his love weeks later via text, commenting on every Facebook post I put up, and soliciting rounds of unnecessary contact (I'm talking Outlook conference call invites here, people), I finally did what I should have months earlier - I deleted his name from my phone, I deleted all of his emails, removed him from my Facebook feed. All of the purging that any modern single woman must learn to perform post-break up. But still, the contact continued. I begged, pleaded with this boy - please stop contacting me, it's very confusing, it hurts, I don't want to be your friend, I think you're a terrible person..STOP, STOP, STOP!! But still he won't.

I sit here more than a year after he poked a teeny tiny hole in my heart and then let it bleed out slowly for months, and he's still texting to get beers, telling me he wants to be friends, sending me Harper's Indices via email...and even calling me drunk at 5 a.m. to "see what's up" (aka booty call). I've stopped focusing my energy on trying to analyze why he's doing what he's doing (and thinking that he wants to get back together), and now I dedicate all of it to hating him. But here's the rub - even though I do officially despise him, I still want him to want me. The butterflies have faded - I no longer get a lump in my throat and a leap in my heart when I see his name in my inbox, but what I do want is to win. I want to triumph goddammit - I want him to eat it, feel insane amounts of regret, and know that I'm the one he let slip away. So I throw just enough of a bone to keep this ridiculous cycle going, when all I really want to say is, "Why won't you just blow me off for good."

Any of you ladies or gents been through this ridiculous post break-up obstacle course?

2 comments:

  1. Oh man, what a freaking nightmare. But the drama is like a drug huh? At the same time, you're wasting your precious time and energy on "winning" while what might be going on is you're "losing" your time to him -- unless of course that's how you want to be spending your time....

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  2. Lucky D, the best way to really win is to stop answering his texts, emails, phone calls, and punch him in the face the next time you run into him! Either way, from reading this I think it's clear you've already won. He lost the second he blew you off in the first place!

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