Thursday, December 9, 2010

the Hollywood couple experiment

Five years ago when I first moved to LA, I was living with my besties in a great house in Echo Park. We were in our mid-20s and Hollywood was our motherfucking oyster. We were bright eyed and bushy tailed when it came to love until one day everything came crashing down. That was the day we heard the news that Hilary Swank and Chad Lowe were filing for divorce. WTF? But they'd been together for so long and he was one of those guys that was totally cool with having a wife that was way more successful than him. Right? Right? Wrong.

I know it's silly to get bummed out over celebrity break ups, but if you read this blog often enough you know I take these things super duper seriously. So, my friends and I were pretty pissed off at Hilary and Chad for making it look like they were in love and everything was hunky dory. Especially, since Chad always had a special place in our heart from his stint as Jesse in Life Goes On (TEARS!) We decided this meant that no celebrity union is safe. And that's when we compiled a random list of famous couples that were either dating or married to see how many would make it. Yes, we were that bored. Nearly five years later, the results are pretty depressing:
Antonio Banderas & Melanie Griffith

Kurt Russell & Goldie Hawn

Claire Danes & Billy Crudup

Reese Witherspoon & Ryan Phillipe

Heath Ledger & Michelle Williams

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes

Britney Spears & Kevin Federline

Sandra Bullock & Jesse James

Will Smith & Jada Pinkett Smith

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt

Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick

Tom Hanks & Rita Wilson

Adam Brody & Rachel Bilson

David Duchovny & Tea Leoni

Ellen Degeneres & Portia Di Rossi

Madonna & Guy Ritchie

David Arquette & Courtney Cox Arquette

All the couples in italics are totally over. That's 47%. It would be more if you counted the stint that Tea and David were done-zo. Personally, I think the most tragic break up here is Michelle & Heath :(

Statistically speaking, we're averaging two couples broken up per year, which means two more on the list are bound to go splitsville in the next 12 months. Leave it to the BLOW OFF to make a science out of celeb unions. That's how smart we are, friends.


  1. Isn't this just par for the course?

    "The median length for a marriage in the US today is 11 years with 90% of all divorces being settled out of court."

    Life in the spotlight must be stressful, along with the personality types that are co-morbid with famous-ness -- I'm not surprised. At the same time, hollywood people are people and not some special class of people who are immune to basic human flaws and incompatibilities.

  2. This annoys me. . . not you Sara (you are actually pretty fabulous), but the sentiment that most men cant handle a woman more successful than them! It's sexist and sad. Should I fear singledom as I climb up the ladder? It's the male ego. . . and he's an ugly bitch!

  3. I don't want to generalize, but i've noticed that on the hollywood front, a lot of women's relationships fall apart at the height of their careers--- nicole kidman, uma thurman, sofia coppola just to name a few. I for one refuse to downplay my success for any dude!

  4. If a guy can't sack up and be ok with his woman making more money/success/etc than him, then it is true that she is too good for him.

    Who wants to feel guilty for being successful? Fuck that noise. It has nothing to do with being successful and everything to do with self-worth and confidence.