Friday, January 29, 2010

The Office Romance you can't BLOW OFF

We've all been there--- stuck in a quasi relationship we know is bad for us, but still feels better than the alternative of being alone. Sometimes choosing to blow someone off takes super human strength, especially when that person is your co-worker and you see them everyday.

Here's a story from one of our readers:

"So I have this coworker that I've been sleeping with for years. And yes, that is bad in a million ways, but hell, it happens. And since we've been sleeping together for years, there's a lot of history. In a very quick nutshell, (well probably not that quick) here's a summary of the past. In the beginning, I had feelings for him. He had feelings for another woman. He was hooking up with both of us. I knew about her, she never knew about me. Time progressed, I asked him what was going on. He said, "I don't want a relationship," you know that BS guys say. Next thing I know, he's "In a Relationship" on facebook. I was pissed. But this was years ago, so I've let it go.

We stopped hooking up after that. Time passed and he comes to me one day and tells me he's going to propose to this woman and asks me to help him plan it. I willingly oblige as a good friend does. They get engaged...on the Brooklyn idea. I am bitter. More time goes by. He finally starts to realize she is the psycho bitch I've been telling him she is. More time goes by. She physically assaults him in an argument. More time goes by. He has reservations. He asks me what to do. I tell him it's better to break an engagement than have to get divorced. He agrees with me and breaks it off shortly thereafter.

I think that maybe this is my chance to be with him and am excited by the prospect. Of course we have sex less than a week after he breaks his engagement. I feel like I'm writing some pathetic chick-lit novel right now. I guess that's what this 'relationship' is...the makings of pathetic chick-lit. At this point, I don't even really like him anymore and everything he does bothers me. But hey, I don't have anything else going on, so why not hook up with him, who I trust and am comfortable with?

More time goes by. I really don't like him, but keep sleeping with him for some reason just because he's there. And today, after a particularly demanding day at work, I think why not release some steam with a hook up? He denies me, claiming he will have to work late attending some focus groups. Before leaving, he gets on the phone with his cousin (we share an office, so I am privvy to his conversations) and talks about a party they're going to tonight, then gets up, says good night and see you tomorrow. How's that for a blow off?

I am still sitting at my desk at 10:00 at night working, when I take a break and check out my facebook feed. His status update is that he "can't wait to party!!!!" Second blow off of the night. And the second time he's blown me off...on facebook. Time to go home. I wish I could get rid of this dude, but he's way to entangled in my life. How I wish I could blow him off."

What do you think peeps? Any advice on how to blow off that person you just can't let go of, but know you should? Comment below!

Thursday, January 28, 2010

To Blow Off Jay or not to Blow off Jay?

Okay, Jay Leno just went on Oprah to talk about the whole NBC late night debacle. What's your take on Jay once he takes over The Tonight Show again? Are you gonna watch or are you gonna BLOW HIM OFF?

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Glossary of a BLOW OFF: The State of the Union Address

State of the Union Address
Function: proper noun
Origin: since the beginning of time

1. A discussion held between two people who are dating to establish the status and/or future of their current relationship.
("It all went downhill after we had the state of the union address.")

This glossary term is in honor of Obama's first state of the union address, but the kind of state of the union we're talking about is much more dangerous and much more closely scrutinized--- and you don't even have congress there to applaud you through it.

Props to my friend AC for first introducing me to this term a couple months ago. Despite never hearing it before, I've had plenty of state of the union conversations. In fact, I've had about three with my boyfriend in the last week, but that's another blog post entirely.

State of the Union Addresses are the worst. They bring up hard truths that are often met with uncomfortable silences. But you can't avoid them (talking to you, dudes), they're a fact of life. That said, when it comes to a new relationship, I think us girls need to hold off as long as humanly possible before having a SOTUA. Boys just can't handle them. And the truth is, when things are going swimmingly, there really is no need to discuss the state of the union, is there?

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: What is Love? Baby, Don't Hurt Me.

Any of us that were teens during the 90s can basically agree that My So Called Life was one of the best things about the decade, if not the entire 20th century.

Here's our second pop culture blow off from the show.

Here's the set up, it's the World Happiness Dance. Delia wanted to go with Brian Krakow, but he blew her off for Angela. Rickie had a massive crush on Corey, so Rayanne came up with a plan for the three of them to go to the dance together, but she conveniently cancelled last minute. Rickie got his feelings hurt when he saw how bummed out Corey was about Rayanne being a no-show.

So, when you've been blown off at a high school dance in 1994 and Haddaway comes on the sound system...what else can you do, but....


I mean, the phrase "what is love, baby don't hurt me" completely encapsulates two of the biggest themes in every relationship (confusion and vulnerability). Rickie's dancing is priceless, but what I also love about this scene is the look Sharon gives her jock boyfriend...totally captures the longing of wanting to be with someone different.

Anyway, for all the ladies out there that are going through some guy trouble: do yourself a favor and give your best gay friend a huge hug. Sometimes they are the best pick me up. I'm talking about you, Jesse Murray.

Monday, January 25, 2010

SAF: With Whom to Watch Television

I had this epiphany while I was driving today: All I really want in a partner is someone who will watch TV with me and laugh at all the same jokes. This would be my definition of companionship.

Working at a restaurant on weekend mornings, I now find comfort watching couples who come in, order breakfast and chit chat in between sips of coffee while intently reading the paper. I used to scoff at this-- How boring! I once thought. Now I'm starting to understand (slowly) that a companion is someone you can sit still with and... not have to talk.

But I do like to laugh, which is why the TV is perfect. The true test is when you and your date can watch a ridiculously awesome show like GLEE and giggle at all the lame jokes about Mr. Schuester's jerry curl.


I used to have fantasies of being whisked off my feet and going on romantic getaways to faraway places and getting wined and dined. But I've learned that I can do all that for myself-- it no longer impresses me. Remember Sara's post about her date with a dude who drove a BMW and made tons of money? I bet she would have much rather stayed home that night in front of the boobtube, watching reruns of (the original) Melrose Place. We can take ourselves out to dinner, thank you very much!

Of course I'm oversimplifying here. Yes, I want him to be intelligent, funny, generous, ambitious, blah blah. I could go on forever about all that I want in a man! But when it all boils down, let's just watch tv and laugh together. Doesn't that sound lovely?

Above photo: Terence Television via Flickr.

*Kayoko is an aspiring bartender currently living in the Bay Area.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Bye-Bye Ms. American Pie

After a long and tenuous relationship, the Supreme Court finally did the deed and blew off Democracy. Now, it's not like Democracy hasn't already been getting the shaft from the other two branches of government, but last Thursday's ruling will officially put an end to the love triangle that existed between Corporations, Politicians and the People. Why? Because in order to get elected you need money --and more specifically, money to advertise. So what did the Roberts Court do? Well, they decided that corporations were having their first amendment rights restricted by having limits on the amount of money they could spend on political advertisements.

If you think that calling this the death of democracy is an overstatement, consider just the example of Halliburton. Over the past decade, Halliburton has secured over 21 billion in contracts as a result of the Iraq War. Now, imagine that in the next presidential election you have two candidates on the slate, one who supports war (say with Iran) and one who opposes it. If you were Halliburton, don't you think it would benefit you to throw a measly 100 million to run ads in favor of the pro-war candidate? How about Exxon or Shell, do you think that they'd have a stake in what's going on? Or what about media enterprises, don't think that their ratings shoot up during war time? Blackwater? Arms manufacturers? The Steel Industry? You get the point. Now, it's true that corporations had already blown off Democracy some time ago anyways, but at least this had to happen in roundabout ways, big wig fundraisers, third party front groups, bundled donations, and so on. Now the farce is over with. No more circus hoops to jump through. And no legal risks involved. Given that a typical house race entails only a few million in spending, imagine how easily the House could be bought. Even in a presidential election, Obama who broke all records for fundraising raised only $750 million. Perhaps the only plus side of this is that it will only make it easier to see the corporate money being funneled to advertise on behalf of candidates. But with us being bombarded by media-buys perhaps we won't even care then. We'll all stamp our feet, smile and chant "Just Do It" as our favorite political candidate tells us of the need for another war.

Friday, January 22, 2010

The "I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson" Blow Off

Here's our third tip in getting a little creative with your blow off.
For guys that are too scared to tell their special lady friends in person that they're done with them, why not say it in a the special lady friend's mother. Also a great way to multi-task: comitting the blow off, while confessing how guilty you feel about doing it.

This one right here goes out to all the babies mama's.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: if it looks like a duck and walks like a duck...

Brenda/Dylan/Kelly triangle = best TV triangle ever, except for the fact that Brenda and Dylan were soul mates and he ended up impregnating Kelly. I blame Shannon Doherty for being a diva and getting fired, otherwise, we all know this show would have ended with Brenda and Dylan walking into the sunset together. Team Brenda all the way!

Anyway, a blow off that results in your ex and best friend getting together probably rates among the worst. But nobody does that to Brenda Walsh and gets away with it. Watch her confront Dylan and Kelly, while they treat her like she's the asshole. Best part of the clip is that Dean Cain actually uses the words "blowing it off."

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Spies Like Us: Stalking & the BLOW OFF

If there's one thing all guys should know about girls is that we are amazingly good detectives. There's no such thing as Mission: Impossible when it comes to what we can figure out about you. Seriously, you could have an affair in Antartica with no other human beings around for thousands of miles and we would find out about it. I know women who've looked at emails, phone records, credit card statements, text messages, the list goes on and on. And for the sake of full disclosure, my bf will be the first to tell you I've had a few weak moments myself (we once had a fight about a message I "accidentally" saw in his facebook sent box. Not one of my proudest moments. Not one of his either.)

But before the advent of websites like Google and Facebook, us ladies had to get a little more creative with our stalking....

**Insert dream sequence transition...doodoo-do, doodoo-do, doodoo-do....**

.....It was the summer of 1996. I was fifteen years old and my older sister and her friends were all home from their freshman year of college. One of her close friends had just rekindled the flame of an old high school crush that she never got the chance to date in high school. They were both home for the summer and it was supposed to be the first time they could finally be together. But then once she got home from college, he started acting weird and distant. So, naturally, she drove by his house and saw a car she didn't recognize. She was convinced he'd started dating a girl from school and hadn't told her. But how could she find out for sure?

This is where my sister and I come in. My sister had the brilliant idea that we would drive to his house and park down the street. I would walk to his place, knock on the door, claim that I lived nearby and my dog had gone missing, and that I wondered if he'd seen or heard it. My response: let's do this.

So, we made the drive to his house. They parked the car and I made the one block walk in the dark to his place. It was at that moment that I thought "wtf am I doing?" The lengths I was willing to go to impress my sister and her cool friends. I got to his front door and there was no turning back. I knocked...

Dude opened the door with no shirt on. I gave the speech about my dog and he totally fell for it. Meanwhile, I heard a girl's voice asking him who was at the door. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

The walk back to the car was the worst. I had to break the news to my sister's friends that she wasn't being a crazy paranoid girl. All her fears were well founded. Sometimes it pays to stalk.

So, the moral of the story? Boys, do not fuck with us.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

the Late Night BLOW OFF

For those of you that don't work in TV, don't live in LA, or have been living under a rock, there's been a major shakedown in the world of late night television.

Brief history: In 2004, Jay Leno and NBC agreed he would retire in five years and that Conan O'Brien would take over The Tonight Show in 2009.

Once five years rolled around, Leno said he wasn't sure if he was ready to leave? NBC decided to solve the problem with a bold move. They would launch the Jay Leno Show in primetime to air Mon-Fri at 10pm, followed by the news, followed by The Tonight Show hosted by Conan O'Brien.

Their little experiment turned into an epic fail. The Jay Leno's show had subpar ratings, the affiliates (AKA local stations), who's bread and butter is the 11 'o' clock news were suffering from the weak lead in, and The Tonight Show was down from last year's ratings by a lot.

The Blow Off: NBC announced they would push The Jay Leno Show to 11:35pm and give Conan the option to resume his post as host of The Tonight Show at 12:05 am, followed by Late night with Jimmy Fallon. They blamed their decision on affiliate pressure. This is like the equivalent of telling someone you want to see other people, but would like them to stick around for a booty call. LA has been abuzz with the question "What Will Conan Do?" Earlier today, he released this statement:

BLOWOFFISM: the girl equation

My twenty-one year old brother just started dating a girl and a week in she's already earned the label of stage five clinger.

He explained to me that there's a full proof equation when it comes to dating women. A girl can only be two out of three of the following things: hot, sane, single.

Hot + Sane = Taken

Hot + Single = total psycho

Sane + Single = fugly

I'm more like cute + sane until you piss me off = taken. Where do you fit?

Monday, January 11, 2010

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: I love you, but I can't.

Okay, at the risk of alienating our five male readers, here's yet another pop culture blow off from Sex and the City. This show is the gift that keeps on giving for this blog, but don't worry boys, we'll limit clips to once a month. That said, why are straight guys so vehemently against this show? It's like their kryptonite. I can just feel my bf recoil and break out into a cold sweat whenever I'm thumbing through our cable guide and pass by it. I don't even bother trying to click "watch" anymore.

Anyway, there are so many great crappy relationship moments to choose from here, but for now we'll start with Carrie and Big's first break up. SJP and Chris Noth look so young and spry in this just makes me that much less excited for SATC 2.

Carrie opts out of going to Paris with Big and ends the relationship when he can't tell her she's "the one." Honestly, compared to other moments from this show, this break up is a total snooze right down to the jazz music. Can't wait for next month when we will share their break up from season 2.

Friday, January 8, 2010

the punk rock BLOW OFF

The musician. To date or not to date?

Hmmm, let's see. If we all stuck by the "don't date a musician rule" we wouldn't have songs like "In Your Eyes" or "Rosanna" (although Rosanna Arquette is not currently with Peter Gabriel or the keyboard player of Toto). BUT hold up, Gwen & Gavin are going strong and they are so darn cute together! (true, but we strongly believe Gwen mastered the art of turning a blind eye. At least in the 90s when Bush was still popular). What's a music lover to do?

I once made the mistake of briefly dating a punk rocker. We were both baristas at the same cafe and I had a massive crush on him. Our days of making lattes together evolved into a make out session that evolved into the very early stages of dating. Of course, as my timing would have it, the dating part happened about a week before punk rocker was going on tour. I should have been worried, but I wasn't.

Maybe it was cause I saw his band play and they were pretty bad. At the risk of sounding 80 years old, it was more like noise, less like music. Also, he actually looked kind of awkward and weird playing guitar. Like John Mayer, but way worse. Plus, he seemed super into me. And I liked him enough to vehemently defend his tattoos to my parents. What could go wrong?

He even sent me a letter while he was on tour. The envelope was made of tape and a page from a magazine. After all, he wasn't just a punk rocker, but also an anarchist. And everyone knows anarchist's DO NOT pay for envelopes. The letter was sweet and thoughtful. He said he missed me a lot and wished he could be with me instead of on the road. I would quote it directly, but I have a habit of getting rid of everything given to me by guys who've blown me off.

Once he came back from tour, things got weird. He said things like "i'm too messed up to be in a relationship" and "i don't deserve you." I wanted to tell him that of course a guy that has the words "destiny" and "love" tattooed on his forearms doesn't deserve me, but why split hairs?

A couple weeks later, I went into work and one of my co-workers told me that Punk Rocker had been by the cafe with his new girlfriend (but I thought he was too messed up to be in a relationship...) that he had met while he was ON TOUR.

I confronted him for lying and told him never to speak to me again. Eventually, I got over it and we resumed being friends, until he moved to somewhere like Portland to live in a warehouse with twelve other anarchists. A few years ago one of my friends ran into him and said he looked emaciated and smelled really bad. Serves him right.

So, musicians are tricky. I can't say my experience is reason enough to avoid them, but i will say it's not a bad rule to proceed with caution. Unless of course Justin Timberlake asks you out on a date...then by all means, get. it. done. (Although why does Jessica Biel always look so miserable?)

Thursday, January 7, 2010

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: this is an incredibly romantic moment and you're ruining it for me.

One of my best friends was recently told he was like "Duckie" from Pretty In Pink--- "not the most attractive guy in the room, but he has his own thing going on."

It got me thinking about the movie and the fact that Duckie actually is the most attractive guy.   He's got style, class, personality, not to mention the ability to flawlessly lip sync to Try a Little Tenderness.  What does Blane have to offer besides that pouty little look that says "it's not easy being rich and gorgeous?"

The last sequence of Pretty In Pink should go down in history as one of the best movie endings ever.  It's just more proof that John Hughes was a genius and no other writer has body of work quite as iconic (hats off to Howard Deutch too who directed the movie).   

I can't decide what the best part of the ending is--- The 80s prom dresses, OMD's "If You Leave", Andie showing up all nervous in that terrible pink prom dress (we just don't get heroines like Molly Ringwald in movies anymore), the look of relief on her face when she sees adorable Duckie and Duckie's adorable shoe move (still to this day Jon Cryer's best role; according to imdb-- Anthony Michael Hall and Robert Downey, Jr both turned down the role), Blane's line to Steff: "that's it Steff.  She thinks you're shit. Deep down you know she's right."  (side note: how can you not love a movie that has guys in it named Blane and Steff?), Blane and Andie's emotionally wrought exchange (Andrew McCarthy is so underrated!), and finally when Duckie gives the love of his life permission to follow her heart.  

What's Blane and Andie's "incredibly romantic moment" is really just Duckie getting blown off, but in an obligatory happy ending move, he immediately gets hit on by a cute blonde.  Yay!

According to IMDB, the original ending had Andie and Duckie getting together, but test audiences wanted her with Blane (I would pay money to see this ending).   All the actors had to return for reshoots, and McCarthy had shaved his head for another film, so he sports a wig in the below video.  Also according to IMDB, per Molly Ringwald, she thought if Downey had taken the part, the ending would have stuck, because she saw him less as a brother figure than Cryer.  But there are also contradicting reports on IMDB: one says John Hughes was also concerned the original ending would send the message that rich and poor people don't belong together, another says the ending was forced upon him by the studio and in retaliation he made Some Kind of Wonderful which has the reverse ending (apparently, Molly Ringwald blew off the chance to star in that movie, which ended her working relationship with Hughes).

Anyway, watch the scene yourself to bask in its greatness (but not if you haven't seen the whole film!).   Don't be scared by the 10 minute length, the last four minutes are just the credits.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Glossary of a BLOW OFF: Palate Cleanser

Pal·ate Cleans·er
Function: Noun
1 : used in the middle of a meal to remove lingering flavors from the mouth so that the next course may be enjoyed with a fresh perspective.
2: the first person you have sex with after you get out of a relationship.

I first heard of the term palate cleanser in Cindy Chupack's book Between Boyfriends. Chupack actually calls it "sexual sorbet" but that just sounds way too cheesy for words. According to Chupack, after a break up you need to "sleep with someone else. Sexual sorbet cleanses the palate and prepares you for the next course. After all, you don't want your ex to be the last guy you had sex with. You need to put some distance between the two of you, and 5-7 inches ought to do it."

I'm on board with her philosophy, although sometimes a palate cleanser can be a little traumatic. It's basically the nail in the coffin of your last relationship. At the same time, going through a break up is not dissimilar to getting into a car accident. The longer you wait to drive after a car crash, the more anxious and panicked you'll be behind the wheel. I once waited TWO YEARS. The worst is when you realize that you're the other person's palate cleanser. Ouch.

So, readers-- what's your take on the "quick, have sex with the next person you meet" technique to get over a break up? Have you done it? Does it work? Comment below!