the "Friends of the Opposite Sex" dilemma

True story:  I spent a week at a writing workshop in Belize where I made friends with a guy who was about fifteen years older than me.   There was never anything romantic there, but we stayed in touch over the years and occasionally had a flirty banter to the tone of our emails.   In one email, I inquired about his current relationship and asked him if he was planning to pop the question yet.  He wrote back and jokingly said that he wasn't, because he was still holding out on marrying me someday.   It was not at all meant to be taken seriously, and I was in a committed relationship at the time, but it did give me that tiny little ego boost you get when someone flirts with you.   Other than that, I thought it was no big deal.  

Sadly, his girlfriend came across the emails and didn't feel the same way.   Apparently, marriage was a very hot button issue for them and she had been pushing him for awhile to shit or get off the pot.  So, when she saw his email saying that he was holding out for me, she was understandably hurt.   I, however, was completely blind sided when he called me on the phone and explained the situation to me, then said he was going to put his girlfriend on the phone so that I could reassure her that there was nothing going on between us.    I didn't even have a minute to process before she began to voice her upset and her feeling that the emails between us were completely inappropriate.   It was the most awkward conversation of my life, and while I knew there was absolutely nothing for her to be worried about, I felt awful that I made another woman feel anxious or insecure.   Even though our friendship was completely platonic and I thought the emails were totally innocent, she was right-- it was inappropriate.

Some might chalk it off to her being too insecure, but I didn't feel that way.   Our relationships can be extremely delicate and important to us and anything that threatens it, no matter how secure we are, can be scary and upsetting.   They've since gotten married and have an adorable little boy and he and I still catch up over email, but there is not even an inkling of flirting involved.

At the end of the day, no one wants to tell their significant other to blow off their friends, but I'm willing to bet even the most self assured people would still feel a little odd about their bf/gf going out to solo drinks with a member of the opposite sex. According to my mom, when you've been with someone for awhile, it's not appropriate to spend alone time with single people of the opposite sex (who share your sexual orientation).   She claims at a certain point, couples should have couple friends.  It sounds old fashioned, but it sort of makes sense.   My BF has it easier than I do when it comes to this dilemma, because 90% of my guy friends are all gay.   The last time I went out for drinks with a single guy of the opposite sex was the day before yesterday...and that guy was my brother.   

So, readers--- what are the boundaries when you're in a serious relationship and have close friends of the opposite sex?   Is it appropriate to hang out with them on your own?   If your platonic friendship included a healthy flirtatious banter, does that have to end if one or both of you starts dating someone?   And at what point are your fear/insecurities valid VS possessive and unhealthy?

Tell us what you think and comment below...

POP CULTURE blow off the day: Cause it's die muthafuckas die

Inspired by my first day of unemployment and St. Clare's post below, here's a clip for everyone that's ever gotten laid off.   Okay, I know I actually quit my job, and that's a little like a dumper telling a dumpee they know just how they feel, but minor details aside, my self imposed unemployment means a lot more up to date posts on the blow off...it's a win win, people.  But to all the folks that are coping post-lay off, hang in there.  We promise once you get a new job, you'll wonder why you ever even wasted your time on the old one.   Starting today, stop thinking about getting laid off and start thinking about getting laid.  

P.S. Since this isn't the first time we've referenced Office Space on this site, we're also adding a little dash of The Family Guy to our pop culture blow off of the day.   That's how effing cool we are, boys and girls.   

The Unprofessional Professional Blow Off or WWJD?

Everyone's been fired. At least that's what my mom told me the first time it happened to me. I was sobbing in my car, blubbering into my cell phone (not safe; I'm aware), trying to figure out where I'd gone wrong and what the hell I was supposed to do next. That's right, folks, it was as sharp and personal as any romantic blow off.

After college, I had planned on staying in Texas and saving up for a big move to LA. I had not planned on having such a hard time finding a real job. After a few months of temping and working part-time at the same job I'd had in college, I bit the bullet and moved in with Mom and Dad.

For most people, that would mean moving home. But my parents had left Oklahoma while I was in college so it meant moving to their home in a town where I knew almost no one. After applying for several jobs I was only vaguely qualified for, I got an interview with a financial group.

Run by a trio of glad-handing brothers (Shadrach, Meshach and Abedneg-asshole), they mostly sold annuities to old people. They needed another assistant; I needed a job, which they offered almost immediately after learning what my father did for a living.

As the daughter of a minister, I learned early that there are two types of guys to avoid: the ones who are super into my dad's occupation (I have no interest in being your pious, angelic expectation) and those who are really freaked out by it (if your intentions are so skeezy that you're afraid my dad can damn you eternally, it's not going to work). I never realized that this also applied to workplaces.

Don't BLOW OFF the BLOW OFF

Readers, we're going to wear our hearts on our sleeves (again), take a leap of faith, and ask you to send us more of your blow off stories. We don't care if it makes us unattractive or desperate or needy. We're not good at playing games or playing it cool. We just want to feel loved...by reading about your crappy ass dating experiences. Ours will eventually run out...hopefully....

Don't be shy. Put down the Johnny Walker and send us your sob story.

Write to theblowoffwtf@gmail.com and we'll post your story (anonymously, of course) to the site. After that, we recommend you go back to numbing the pain with some binge eating and drinking.

Valentine's Day can SUCK IT.

Yes, it's true, Valentine's Day is a Hallmark holiday invented to sell cards and fill restaurants all over the country.   And most of us hate it or at least we feel obligated to hate it.   Who wants to admit they actually want to get flowers from their sig other on February 14th?   

When I was in grade school, I lived for Vday.  We made those adorable little pouches that all our classmates filled with Vday cards.  I used to labor over which talking heart I'd put in my crushes pouch.  And was super psyched when I got the "foxy lady" heart in return from him, although somehow I doubt he put as much thought into it as I did.  

I was much more comfortable with Vday when it was about getting together with my single girlfriends and cursing happy couples everywhere.   Somehow I feel guilty spending the holiday with a boy...like I've abandoned all my ideals.   I felt so dirty strolling the aisles of Whole Foods and picking out ingredients for a home cooked meal tonight.   After all, it's not very BLOW OFF like to make molten chocolate cake for a dude on a day like today.  So, I came to the conclusion that Vday can suck it for making single people feel lonely and un-single people feel guilty.   Thanks a lot Hallmark for making us all feel like crap.   Here's hoping chocolate helps soothe everyone's pain today.  

Back by popular demand, Punky Brewster's terrible Vday:

John Mayer: Blown off to Douche Bag Island

Douche Bag Island is currently populated with Spencer and Heidi "freaky face" Pratt, but now we're sending John Mayer to hang out with them.
What's crazy about John Mayer is that for some weird reason, he's not really called out for being a douche bag often enough. I think it's because he plays guitar and dates hot girls, but trust us, he's the douchiest. Ladies, stop dating him. He's lame!
Here are the top five reasons why:

5. He's one of those guys that thinks he's funny, but makes super awkward and uncomfortable jokes that no one laughs at, and not in a Michael Scott kind of way. When asked if he dates black women: "I don't think I open myself to it. My d*ck is sort of like a white supremacist. I've got a Benetton heart and a f*ckin' David Duke c*ck. I'm going to start dating separately from my d*ck." Uh, dude. shut the F up.

4. Guys who kiss and tell = douches, especially when it's on their twitter account or to Playboy Magazine. On dating Jessica Simpson: "Have you ever been with a girl who made you want to quit the rest of your life? Did you ever say, 'I want to quit my life and just f*ckin’ snort you? If you charged me $10,000 to f*ck you, I would start selling all my shit just to keep f*cking you." We will pay him 10K to shut the F up.

3. If the rumors are true that he's dating Taylor Swift, then he's also heebeegeebee inducing.

2. He's one of the only guys that looks less hot playing guitar. Not that he's even that hot to begin with.

1. His music! His songs are so freaking boring. We'd put him in the same category with Kenny G and Yanni. Maybe Taylor can teach him to write something catchy.

Bye, John Mayer. You've been douche-bagged.

POP CULTURE blow off of the day: you and I...NOTHING!

It's February, readers! You know what that means.... another monthly pop culture blow off from Sex and the City. I promised our male readers we'd only torture them with one post per month, and i'm sticking to it!

Inspired by our Male-Dar post below, here's a clip from the series finale where Mr. Big channels his own radar and pays Carrie a visit right before she moves to Paris. According to some of your comments, he just wants to get laid though. Their fight is followed by their happy Paris reunion for those of you that want to believe in happy endings (guys, hate to break it to you, but there's no massage action in the below video.)

TGIF, everyone!

The MALE-dar Phenomenon

I've noticed over the years that guys have a special super power called MALE-dar. It's kind of eerie, but this is how it works.

1. They blow you off.

2. They disappear.

3. They reappear just when you move on to another guy.

How do you boys know how to do this??? It's uncanny. Do you implant some sort of micro-chip in all the girls you date that's wired to go off when they've let another guy into their bed/heart/girl parts?

I had a friend who was dating a boy who was super non-commital. He pretty much disappeared, she met another guy, and weeks later he texted her and said she'd left an earring at his place and asked if he could give it back to her. She never responded. Another friend just went on a dinner date recently with a new prospect and at dinner she got a text from an ex who said he was eating at their favorite restaurant in NY and he wished she was with him. When I lived in NY, I had my best first date ever with a guy, went home for the holidays, and my ex's MALE-dar kicked in and he seduced me. I ended up not pursuing the new guy only to get blown off again by the ex. I learned my lesson after that.

So, girls--- has this happened to you before? And boys, how the heck do you do it? Is it just a major coincidence that your "i need to get laid" alarm goes off at the same time we've met someone else or is there some crazy cylon shit going on here? Comment below.

Why we would never BLOW OFF Ryan Gosling

I've been trying to get some boys to be regular contributors to the blow off, cause the last thing we want is for this blog to be about a bunch of whiny girls bitching and moaning about their bad dating experiences.   Most of you dudes have yet to step up to the plate except for the wonderful "O." who wrote us a kick ass post on the supreme court blowing off democracy and Lahoma00 who tripled our gay readership with his awesome post.   Some of you have sent us your stories and have commented on posts (mostly as "Anonymous"), but other than that it's been slow going. We know you're embarrassed to admit you've been rejected as many times as we have or that you're still haunted by the women you've left in your wake, but get over it.

So, in an effort to bring a little more testosterone to the site and at the risk of intimidating the manhood of prospective male contributors , here's an interview with Ryan Gosling.  Hear how his attitude on relationships has changed from starring in The Notebook to starring in Blue Valentine, the Sundance movie I'm most excited to see.   The film intercuts the happiest time of Gosling/William's relationship with the shittiest time.   And okay, full disclosure, he's basically my #1, and I was really just looking for any angle to post this video.  Don't hate.