Monday, January 3, 2011

the "I don't want to marry you" BLOW OFF

Remember when we were at the age where it didn't matter if the person we were dating was "marriage material?" God, 22 was the best. Before you know it, you hit your late twenties/early thirties, and feel the need to assess whether someone is good enough to be your future wife or husband by the end of the first date. Cause who wants to waste time on someone when you don't have time to waste? Sigh. The stakes are so high these days.

I'm pretty sure a couple of guys blew me off in my twenties, because I didn't fit the "wife" bill. I was good enough to date, but not good enough to have a long term relationship with. Then there were the guys (yes, guys) that were already thinking how great it would be to take me home to meet their parents...before we'd even made a dent in our appetizers. And of course those were the guys I didn't want to date.

The reigning Kings of the premature "I don't want to marry you" break ups are Jewish dudes who "accidentally" go out on a date with a non-Jew. Fuck those guys. J-date was invented for a reason.

But I digress. I once knew a woman who dated the same guy from the ages of 24-30. When the marriage question reared its ugly head, he broke up with her. Suddenly, she was starting over. Months after the break up, her friends dragged her to a Halloween party when she'd begged them to let her stay in and sulk. She reluctantly went to the party, met a guy, and within two years they were married and pregnant. And then there was another friend who dated her boyfriend for years. The two of them were living together when she started contemplating a break up...unfortunately, before she could muster the courage to end it, he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. She had to say no.

It's hard when a relationship reaches the "I don't want to marry you" breaking point. But what's the alternative? Spending the rest of your life with someone who doesn't rock your world?

Let's contemplate this subject further by playing the video below and listening to cute hipsters sing about it.


  1. awesome post to start off the new year.

    i've never dated a guy i've wanted to marry, aka spend the rest of my life with (if all goes according to plan).

    i guess it's time to start thinking about boys in those terms instead of going out with douchebag after douchebag.

    over it.

    could you provide a list of traits we single ladies should be looking out for in a potential husband? Litmus Test please!

  2. I don't know if I'm qualified to write that kind of a list, but I will do my best! Sometimes I think we should just marry each other.

  3. Except for a few brief exceptions where loneliness got the best of me, I've avoided dating precisely because I've had a 30 year old's mentality ever since the age of 18. Wtf is wrong with me...

  4. O, you're being cyptic. Does this mean you should have gotten married at 18? Or does this simply mean that you are now ready to start looking for your marriage mate, now that you're 30?

    Sara, looking forward to your list!

  5. He means that ever since he was 18, he wouldn't date girls long term if they weren't people he thought he wanted to end up with. O. is the anti casual :)

  6. Or maybe O is just afraid of rejection. Which is it O? Hmmmm......

  7. What Sara said....and this isn't exactly a trait that I'm proud of.

    Certainly a part of it has to do with the fact that my girlfriend at 18 is someone who set the bar really high.

    And Slim, the rejection thing is a part of it too. But that goes both ways --both not wanting to be blown off by someone I'm not all that in to, and hating to send someone else into the crappiness that is the inevitable blow off that I feel will come. I swear I take blowing others off harder than anyone I know.

  8. The whole, "I don't want to marry you" sense gets even harder to sniff out when there are no major red flags with the person you're just feels so bleh. You start to think: "is this just how things get?"