Monday, January 10, 2011

the "i met someone famous" BLOW OFF

Celebrities always say the reason they date other celebrities is because it's easier to be in a relationship with someone that understands what you do. Plus, there's no guarantee that a normal person isn't just with you, because you're famous (fyi, they are.)

But, once in a blue moon, a celebrity does fall in love with someone normal. Generally, only if they're female celebrities (or chubby male comedians). Or Matt Damon (AKA the most perfect man in the world.) It's all lovely and great except for one thing: usually that normal person has left a wife or a girlfriend in the dust.

Exhibit A List:

When it was announced last week that Natalie Portman was pregnant and engaged to her ballerina boyfriend of one year, my first thought was--- i feel old. My second thought, his poor ballerina ex-girlfriend! Apparently, Natalie's sexy ballerina fiance was living with another woman when they met. A girl he'd been dating for years. I can't help but wonder how that blow off conversation went: I'm leaving you. Wait. It gets worse. I'm leaving you for Natalie Portman. And now a year has gone by and his poor ex has probably made baby steps in getting over him and then...she's faced with the news that he's now engaged and having a baby with NATALIE PORTMAN. Maybe I'm projecting. Maybe they were well on their way to breaking up before one of the most gorgeous and intelligent starlets of our time came into his life. Right.

For the sake of Natalie Portman's fiance's ex-girlfriend, I kind of hope someone else takes home Oscar this year. Although if that best actress curse if for reals, then maybe the jilted ex-girlfriend is secretly bribing academy members as we speak.

(Before you hate on Natalie, keep in mind, Julia Roberts' husband Danny Moder was also married when they met...)

Exhibit B List:

And then there's Jessica Simpson and her fiance. His divorce was final in October (after five years of marriage) and the two of them got engaged in November. I'm no expert on divorce, but I hear it's pretty painful and I'd think the last thing most people who've just gone through one want to do is...get married! Yes, Jessica Simpson isn't as classy and cool as Portman, BUT would you really want your ex-husband going from you to a woman that's been called "sexual napalm." NO.

Exhibit C List:

Tori Spelling met her husband Dean on the set of their TV movie Mind Over Murder. They were both married and Dean left his wife and children for Tori. His ex-wife then went on to write two books about it. (One of which has the log line: "My husband left me for Tori Spelling. And you thought your divorce sucked."). If that wasn't bad enough Tori & Dean have a reality show, so his ex can watch them together on VOD.

So, if you're going through a break up and your ex has moved on to someone else, look on the bright least she's not a gorgeous famous actress. Or sexual napalm. Or a 90s TV star who's now a thriving reality TV personality.


  1. I'd rather get blown off by someone famous rather than a flight attendant.

  2. If I was married to Camille Grammer, I'd leave her for a hooker, homeless person, serial killer, or a crack addict. Camille is batshit crazy!

  3. You would be Tiger Woods. Actually, I don't know if she's crazy because I don't watch TV.

  4. she keeps saying that she's a single mom now, except she has four nannies and a house manager. LOL