Tuesday, January 25, 2011

the "I no longer wish I was a lesbian" BLOW OFF

After a shitty blow off, every straight girl has at one time or another wished she was a lesbian. Cause as Janeane Garofalo's character said in Reality Bites, it seems like it would be a whole lot easier.

I'm beginning to think this is a giant myth. Lesbian BLOW OFFS are fucked up. Or at least celebrity lesbian blow offs...

The first real public lesbian blow off took place when Ellen DeGeneres and Anne Heche called it quits. Anne Heche went off wandering in the backwoods telling people her name was Celestia and that she was an alien and half sister of Jesus Christ. Holy crap. I mean, I'll admit, I've felt a little crazy after a break up, but not that crazy. The blow off was so traumatic that afterward Anne actually went back to dating men!

More recently, it was reported that Melissa Etheridge is shacking up with her ex-wife's best friend. Hell to the fuck no. Isn't this like totally against the rules? Is this like par for the lesbian course or is Etheridge just like "I'm famous. I can fuck whoever I want?"

And of course, there's Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. They've been more on again and off again than Pam & Tommy Lee. Right now, they're supposedly off again, but Lindsay just rented a house next door to Sam. If a straight girl did that to a guy he'd have her killed.

Finally, have you seen The Kids are All Right? The takeaway there is clear. If you are in a loving committed lesbian relationship, do not let Mark Ruffalo within a 100 feet of your wife!

But what about "non-famous didn't happen in a movie true to life lesbian" blow offs? We want to hear those stories. So, if you are a normal non-famous lesbian with a good blow off tale please send it to theblowoffwtf@gmail.com. We've heard from straight women, we've heard from straight men, we've heard from gay men, we've yet to hear from our favorite carpet munchers. What's the deal, ladies? Should I give up my dreams of one day quitting dudes?

3 comments:

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  2. I have a recently engaged friend (had to comb you fan list to make sure she wasn't a reader) who just casually mentioned to me that she wished she was able to cross off some girl on girl action before all that went down. . . I had no idea how to respond encouragingly!

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  3. LOL, I kind of feel that way too!

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