Thursday, January 20, 2011

Jesse James is engaged? WTF!?

Sandra Bullock and Jesse James famously broke up ten months ago when news leaked that Jesse was a cheater. And that he had sex with girls with tattoos who referred to him as the Vanilla Gorilla. Sandra tried to keep a girl next door sense of humor about the whole thing and turned her affection towards her adopted baby.

You would think a girl like me would be a total Jesse James hater, but part of me kind of wanted him and Sandy to deal with their shit and get back together. Stupid, I know. Not only because the guy was clearly a scum bag, but also because they are celebs and I should care more about global warming than their marriage. But I don't! (I'm kidding. Or am I?)

Now, it was announced today that Jesse James is engaged to Kat Von Douche head. I still shouldn't care, but how can the BLOW OFF ignore his super duper annoying PR statement? It's like salt in the wounds of women everywhere:

"You know sometimes the public and press gets it wrong. This is one of those times. 2010 was actually the best year of my life because I fell in love with my best friend. An amazing woman who stood behind me when the world turned their backs. I have never met anyone so kind and loving and committed to making the world a better place every day. My love for her is beyond description. So honored that she said 'yes.' Growing old with her is going to be a f----n' blast!"

Where do I start with this statement? I mean, maybe we do have it wrong. Maybe Sandra Bullock is the devil. But this announcement is still uncalled for.

Really, 2010 was the best year of his life? I wonder how his kids who reportedly considered Bullock a second mom would feel about that. Then to say that he's never known someone as kind/loving/committed basically = my ex-wife is a bitch.

My love for her is beyond description? Okay. Then, here's a thought: shut the fuck up about it.

Growing old with her is going to be a fucking blast. That's just douchey.

I for one don't believe there's anything going on between Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock, so that bodes the question--- how do dudes move on SO fast?

Is Kat Von Kindest Person in the World just a rebound or is James really like "thank Jesus I fucked up my last marriage or else I never would have banged KVD less than a year later." And do we think Sandra's just like "no big thing" or is she crying in the shower as we speak?

I'm so confused. How do you do it men? How do you just move on so quickly? And why does it take us girls like three years to get over you? Isn't enough that we have to get our periods?


  1. Note: She stood "behind" him not "beside" him while the world turned their backs. Just sayin'.

  2. That press release is awful. I think your analysis of it was spot on and the dude's a pos.