Thursday, February 17, 2011

the pornographic BLOW OFF

I wish I could be one of those girls that was super cool and liberal when it came to pornography. You know, the type that wasn't turned off by poor production value, fake titties, clean beave, and naked men that look like Vanilla Ice...but adult movies just don't get me all hot and bothered...unless of course I'm really drunk and in a seedy hotel room with a man I met in the lobby bar. Okay, fine. I'm not that type of girl either.

Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy a good old fashioned sex scene (see hot kitchen sex in the first episode of Shameless) And I'm actually not as appalled by porn as, I don't know, Jesus or the Parents Television Council probably are. Sometimes I even kind of like it. Preferably if it's of the soft core skinimax variety + girl on girl action. It's true. When it comes to sex on pay per view or the internet, I'm a total lesbo. Close up shots of veiny blood filled poorly lit penises scare me. I'm not kidding . If I wrote a horror movie, the villain would be a detached veiny blood filled poorly lit penis.

But in all seriousness, I do find it disturbing that some of you dudes are so porn addicted that actual sex doesn't get you off the way it used to. Porn could mean the end of western civilization. For reals. (not really, but I like making sweeping melodramatic statements.) So, here's an idea. You know how vegans created this thing called meatless mondays? Well, I'm thinking of changing the day Tuesday to Puesday and starting Pornless Puesdays. Your hard ons will thank me later. But don't take my word for it: take Bill Maher's.

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