Thursday, March 17, 2011

Glossary of a BLOW OFF: a fouche bag

Fouche Bag
function: noun
Origin: I thought the BF invented it last week, but Urban Dictionary beat him to the punch.
Definition: a female douche bag (a jerk, an idiot, a tool).
(Orange girls with bad boob jobs and velor jump suits are total fouche bags.)

How do you spot a fouche bag? Easy. Here are just a few signs that you might be dating one.

Your girlfriend has never offered to treat or pay for anything. Ever.
Your girlfriend is Lindsay Lohan's Mom or Kate Gosselin.
Your girlfriend is on a first name basis with every employee at every spray tanning facility within a twenty mile radius.
Your girlfriend listens to John Mayer.
Your girlfriend is a fake blond or won't leave the house without her fake eyelashes.
Your girlfriend talks entirely about herself.
Your girlfriend wears pink flip flops.
Your girlfriend has a perma-scowl on her face.
Your girlfriend has sequins on her vagina.
Your girlfriend is on a reality show.
Your girlfriend was in a sorority. And still participates in alumni events.
Your girlfriend's thong is perpetually above her low rise jeans.
Your girlfriend wears so much make up, her face and neck are complementary colors.
Your girlfriend posts racist rants on YouTube.
Your girlfriend won't get engaged to you until you can afford the ring she's already picked out.
Your girlfriend has a butterfly tattoo right above her butt crack.

These are just a few of the signs. If you think your girlfriend may have early symptoms of being a fouche face, consider blowing her off now. Nine out of ten doctors agree that fouchiness is highly contagious...

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