Thursday, April 7, 2011

Science & the BLOW OFF: the four DEADLY sins

Hold up. Did you know there's a Relationship Research Institute where like real life scientists study "healthy" relationships? When I heard this, my first thought was, how have I not been contacted by their HR recruiter yet? the BLOW OFF is like the mecca of unhealthy relationship stories. We could release our own scientific study by now!

Dr. John Gottman who founded the Relationship Research Institute recently used decades of research to come up with the "sound relationship house theory" which narrows down behaviors he observed in couples he defined as being in health loving relationships (they call these couples "masters" at relationships).

So, let me get this straight. The sound relationship house theory is basically a super fancy way of saying "how not to get dumped." Suh-weet!

According to the RRI scientists, we need to be on the look out for these "four horsemen of the apocalypse" (dramatic much?)

#1 Criticism. I'm guessing this means don't criticize your partner. (Note to self: I should stop critiquing the BF's dish washing skills. Major Fail.)

#2 Defensiveness. (but being defensive is SO much fun! Like when your partner says they hate it when you *fill in the blank* and instead of apologizing, you throw back something in their face like "you don't snuggle me enough". Check mate, motherfucka!)

#3 Contempt. (Note to self: stop locking the bf in the man cave without food and water for days at a time.)

#4 Stonewalling or shutting down communication. (Another hidden talent of mine. Here's how it usually goes. BF: what's wrong. Me: NOTHING!!!!!! Don't touch me!!!)

Now, according to are the signs you are in a sound relationship:

#1 You genuinely care about each other's day to day lives and goals. (Yes! I think discussing our bowel movements def counts.)

#2 You ask each other open ended questions prompting for more information (Yes! We do this all the time when discussing our bowel movements!)

#3 You show signs of affection like smiling, holding hands, laughing, touching. (Yes! I cannot tell you how many times people have told us to stop smiling and laughing and touching all the time. What do you want from us? We can't stop!)

Here's one last piece of advice from RRI: talk about conflicts calmly, avoid accusations, talk about your feelings--- not the other person's actions.

WHAT?!?!? I had no idea being nice to each other was the secret to having a good relationship. Thanks RRI! You people are effing geniuses. The BF better watch out, we're about to become "masters" at the sound relationship whatever whatever theory.

1 comment:

  1. Whew! I'm in the clear. They didn't say anything about sarcasm.