Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Breaking News: Arnold Schwarzenegger BLOWN OFF to douche bag island.

We have just received word that Arnold Schwarzenegger has been blown off to douche bag island. Why? The motherfucker had a kid with another woman ten years ago and forgot to mention it to his wife and children. What a condom-less wearing cock sucker.

I've suspected for awhile that Ahn-old was a douchey face and figured there was some fucked up reason behind his split with Maria Shriver. Back when I worked at ABC in NY, I got to hang out backstage at The View one day when Arnold was a guest and promoting the latest Terminator installment. The guy had pervy perv written all over him. It's like the only way he knew how to communicate with women was by flirting with them.

Maria Shriver on the other hand is pretty effing awesome. If you've ever heard her speak at California's annual Women's Conference, you'll understand why. And like a lot of other women out there, she gave up her career (as a journalist) to support her husband's career (as the Governor). And how does he return the favor? By revealing that he fathered a child with a member of their household staff over ten years ago. That means the man has a ten year old child he's lied to his entire family about. WTF?!

This kind of BLOW OFF just breaks my heart, especially since I'm the kind of person that gets perversely obsessed with the details. How did she find out? What did she do? How is she coping? Is it too late for her to go on Oprah? It's bad enough for your significant other to be unfaithful, but for them to have a CHILD with another woman is devastating. Not to mention, someone that's worked for you and been in your home for over twenty years. (Note to self: Only hire men to be part of household staff). Apparently, Arnold's teenaged son even changed his last name to Shriver (at least on Twitter). Good for him. It's so much easier to spell.

In all seriousness, this is really sad. And Maria Shriver deserves better. I stand by my original plan for her....everyone knows Arnold wants to change the constitution so he can run for President someday. Well, Maria, beat him to the punch. Run in 2016 and win. You have my vote.


  1. Why so much swearing?

  2. Oh god, it's Anonymous again!

    Do you need to be blown off to DB Island too???

  3. I'm pretty sure that anonymous is actually Bryon.