Thursday, May 26, 2011

Glossary of a BLOW OFF: Goys

function: noun
Origin: I made it up, duh! And no, it has nothing to do with the Hebrew term for non-jews.
Definition: Girls who lacks female friends and get along better with boys. Thus, the hybrid term "goys".
(Sarah's a proud goy who has way more fun hanging out with dudes. And no, she's not a butch lesbian.)

If there was a goy pride parade, I'd BLOW it OFF. I just don't have a soft spot for women who "prefer" to hang out with dudes. Usually, women who have no female friends love to assert that it's because other women are jealous of them. I'm here to put a stop to that line of thinking. It's just not true. You don't get along with women, because you're a stuck up bitch. Don't believe me? Well, only stuck up bitches actually think people are jealous of them.

I get it. Girls can be catty and they love to gossip and talk about boys and eat chocolate and maybe these are just not things you're into. Maybe men judge you less and make you feel good about yourself and women don't. But I hate to break it to you...the dudes you're hanging out with might think you're effing annoying too, they're just better at hiding it.

In all seriousness, I feel bad for goys cause at the end of the day, they're missing out. Girlfriends are the best. Yeah, they can be annoying and judgmental and hold you accountable for being a brat, but they also smell nice and buy the best birthday presents and loan you clothes. In the words of Madeline Albright: "there is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." (and here's hoping that special place has no men in it.)

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