Tuesday, May 3, 2011

the "I'm finally over you" BLOW OFF

Break ups suck. Obvi, or else this site wouldn't exist. When a relationship doesn't work out or we get rejected by someone we're madly in love with, it hurts like a motherfucker. But you know what feels really good?

The moment you realize you're finally over that stupid slut that didn't want to be with you. In fact, you have no idea what you ever saw in them in the first place.

Sometimes it just creeps up on you...when you think about the person or see their updates on Facebook, you no longer want to barf out of every orifice. No more panic attacks or hives or tears. You just don't heart them anymore and you want to shout it from the rooftops. Usually, falling in love with someone else speeds up this process, but that's not always an option. Maybe it just takes time or distance or a lot of drugs and alcohol...but it always happens at some point. Trust.

Here are a couple times I knew I was completely over a person:

Boy #1. I was hung up on him forevs (like five years) and then one night we went out to dinner and it was all over. Suddenly, out of nowhere, he ordered tofu and talked about his new meditation classes and showed off his fancy yellow string bracelet his friend brought him from India. Note to readers: if you want a girl to get over you: order tofu, talk about your new meditation classes, and show off your yellow string bracelet from India. If only the fucker turned into a cheesy hippie years prior. He would have saved me a lot of weepy Ipod playlists.

Boy #2. When I saw his new potbelly in a picture on Facebook. I didn't know boys could get pregnant. (see, sometimes stalking exes on a social networking site isn't a bad thing.)

Boy #3. He died and his ghost would NOT stop calling and sexting me. He even tried to woo me with Unchained Melody. Uh, clingy and desperate much?

Anyway, here's hoping you have your "I'm finally over you" moment soon. And that it's not just a total fucking lie to make yourself feel better. Like we all know it was for Angela...(and I quote: it was like Jordan Catalono had been surgically removed from my heart and I was free.)

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