Monday, May 23, 2011

the left at the altar BLOW OFF

If you've ever wondered when the worst time was to BLOW someone OFF, it's not around the holidays or that person's birthday...it's on your wedding day. I thought people only got left at the altar in soap operas and romantic comedies, but apparently it happens in real life too.

One of our loyal readers sent us an article on a bride in China who threw herself out a window after her fiance left her before they got married. All that wedding planning for nothing? Oh, hell no. Mark my words, if I get left at the altar, the only person going out a window is the groom.

I feel really sorry for Li-Wan. But if she's reading this, there are a few things I want her to know.

Li...no man is worth ending your life for. You're only twenty-two. You have a great rack and cute taste in shoes. You should spend the next five years (at least) hooking up with different guys and getting your freak on. Wang Lu is a total pussy for waiting until your wedding day to call it off. Maybe you were a bridezilla and you drove him to it, but the guy really has no excuse. And look at all the people who love you and saved you from falling to your death. The guy holding you in the picture is pretty hot. Hopefully, he's not related to you, because I think he would make an excellent rebound. Now, seriously. Enough with the dramatics. I know planning a wedding can drive any normal person to the brink of insanity, but look on the bright side....it'll be so much easier the second time around now that you know all the great vendors to hire.

Now, when you're feeling a little better send us Wang Lu's address so we can properly open a can of whoop ass on the mothersucker.

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